citylogs | september catch-all { fabric of shame and sorrow's name

[ Rare was the opportunity to allow herself the indulgence of shopping anymore, but she always capitalized when given the chance, especially for the sake of another. Vanity is not the reason that she often dresses so 'completely', as Victor put it, but it would be a lie to say that she didn't also enjoy discovering any new eccentricities in the latest fashion. What fashion this city carries is eclectic to be certain, but Vanessa has been struggling to find anything to her taste or standards. It isn't the single piece or high hem or lack of pockets, but so much of it leaves her…wanting. Eventually, if she really ends up staying here long enough to worry more, she'll have to get creative.

There's enough variety among the boutiques that they've made some success. Whereas Vanessa is determined that Nill acquire a proper amount of stockings and undergarments to go with her dresses, they soon won't be able to carry it all, and there's the hour to consider. Vanessa rarely eats midday, but a rest will do them both good. Nill may not be used to so much walking.

She knows of a fine bakery, but the collection of faceless photos that line the wall in the front room may unsettle Nill, so Vanessa leads her through the back door and right into the kitchen. The scent of fresh bread is unmistakable, near overwhelming. The cozy space is cluttered with useless knick-knacks and a potted plant rests in the window, decorated as a family home. A curtain hangs in the doorway that separates it from the front, where the fancier pastries wait hidden from view. When in doubt, something is always in the refrigerator.

With the bags settled onto the counters, Vanessa motions for Nill to wait near the small island at the kitchen's center. ]

Make a wish and I will do my utmost to grant it.

[Shopping in general is foreign to Nill; Heine would always just show up with neat packages of clothing from Granny Liza's shop and leave them around the church for her. She's always felt more than a little guilty about it, knowing he was using his own money to pay, since she didn't have any of her own. It's one of the long list of things that makes her feel not only indebted to Heine, but in awe of him.

But this isn't really shopping, is it? No money is required--and she's letting Vanessa make most of the decisions, entirely out of her element when it comes to choosing her own clothes. She likes the dresses made of softer material, the lace, but doesn't want anything as fancy as what Bishop and Granny Liza preferred. She ends up with several bags of clothes, which is more than she's ever owned of anything in her lief.

And shopping with someone else, someone who asks her opinions, is a new experience that she hasn't yet decided if she likes or not. It's overwhelming, but so are most things, here.

They break for lunch, which is a big relief to Nill, and it doesn't occur to her to ask why they're going in through the back door instead of the front. She's never been to a café, after all. She's never been out to eat in the first place. But this place--this kitchen is charming, and the smell of bread and the sight of all the utensils and little knick-knacks is homey. She likes it.

Nill moves towards the island as directed, and then scrunches up her nose as she thinks. A wish? She's just hungry. But she looks around, eventually finding an image of a kind of pastry that looks like it has apples on top, and points to it. How about that?]

[ She had been prepared to read a message, but when she catches Nill scanning the room, she'll quietly follow with her own gaze. Already noticing where the girl focuses before needing to point, Vanessa wears a small but pleased smile at the selection. Another sweet tooth.

Her disappearance is momentary, and when she returns back through the curtain, she's carrying two baked tarts. When one is lowered for Nill to offer her approval or dismissal, she can see that the small tart is filled with berries and delicately arranged apple slices that are gently browned from the oven. Both tarts have been drizzled with a syrup that makes the apples glisten in the light, and they smell as if they could have been baked fresh just that morning.

Vanessa is certainly giving it her vote. ]

Will this suit?

[The smile on Vanessa's face tells her that she chose well--which is a relief, even if it shouldn't have to be. Slowly but surely, she's learning that. She watches Vanessa leave and return, and her eyebrows shoot upwards as she spots the fresh pastries the woman is holding. Where did she get them? How were they ready so quickly?

Another unsettling thing about this place to add to the list.

She looks down at the treat; it looks too good to eat, too perfect. Nill feels... a little bad that she thinks such a thing, after Vanessa was nice enough to take her out for the day and now feed her. So at the question she nods emphatically, and delicately picks up the pastry to take a small bite. Her eyes light up, and she nods again--it's perfect, and delicious.]

[ Her chuckle comes in a near-silent huff, charmed by Nill's clear delight in the treat. From what little she knows about where she comes from, Vanessa can guess she didn't have ready access to treats like this.

For the moment, Vanessa's tart is left behind while she drags some stools from the corner over, and she'll even hold out a hand to help Nill onto one should she like, though she'll be subtle in the gesture so as not to seem insulting. They aren't too tall, but it might be an awkward attempt while she's carrying a pastry. ]

Do you know that I did not eat nor drink a single thing for the first three days I was in this city?

[ Once Nill is seated, Vanessa will settle down herself. ]

On the mere chance that consuming anything might damn me here for eternity. A ridiculous notion I now understand, but I was of a different humor at the time.

[Nill has seen far more pictures of desserts than she's ever eaten, so she's certainly taking the time to savor this one. But she does pause long enough to accept Vanessa's help up on to the stool, and sits comfortably while enjoying the pastry.

Her eyes go a little wide at the admission, but sympathy soon crosses her face. She knows what it feels like to goes day without food or water, though she's never abstained by choice. It must have been terrible, she thinks, to be in such an unfamiliar place and also not have anything to eat.

Her brows draw together, and she shakes her head slightly, trying to convey that she doesn't think it's all that ridiculous. If Heine and Badou hadn't been here, there's no telling what she might have believed about this place herself. She reaches across the counter towards Vanessa, but stops short of getting close enough to touch her. But the intent is there, even as she pulls her hand back to rest in front of herself.]

[ While she may have first thought to find silverware to enjoy it, she’s one to enjoy the simpler act of eating it as Nill does, taking a little bite while considering just how loathe she had been to even smell such temptations in the beginning. Has she actually improved since then, though? The wrongful focus of her resentments may have only shifted rather than vanished.

The movement catches her off guard, only because it’s toward her, and she feels for a moment as like she had been in the midst of the realm of the fae after all, and had come so close to nearly being touched by one. Or perhaps something like a unicorn—far more benevolent of a beauty.

Though the smile she bears at the motion is small, it trembles, and it takes her a moment longer than necessary to finish her bite. She is no maiden to lure in such sweet creatures, after all, and the poor girl has been tainted enough by dark things. Yet, the very thought that Nill might think to comfort her is enough to tighten her throat and soften her gaze. ]

Worry not, I was eventually convinced to find some sense again; as much as can exist in a city such as this. I can only wonder just how your dear friends must have attempted to explain the nature of this city to you.

[ She had been staying in a building not far from the statue garden when first encountering Ethan, so she is already fairly close to the agreed upon meeting place. After leaving a note on a slip of paper should Ethan find her absent, it doesn't take Vanessa more than ten minutes to find her way to the graveyard's entrance with footsteps that ignore deliberation and stealth.

Her brow is furrowed with a preoccupied gaze, lost in her thoughts even while she walks toward a known comfort. Dirt and bits of gravel are still speckled through mussed hair and smudged against the newly torn lace of her skirt. The rest can be cleaned, but the lace is ruined. It's unfortunate, given that she can't find anything quite like it in the city, however she could be wearing a potato sack at the moment and not much care. She clearly hasn't managed or thought to change yet from the previous night, nor has she looked in a mirror and see the state of herself.

Normally she would have worried more on the matter before meeting with Morpheus, but when certain thoughts on tormented friends and fates clutter the mind, there is room for little else. ]

[ Dream isn't far from the graveyard either, staying with Hob whose apartment is right next to City Hall. he's already by the entrance when Vanessa gets there, stepping out onto the main path to be seen in the dim light. ]

Lady Vanessa.

[ With his voice summoning her out of the near spiral forming from her thoughts, Vanessa almost smiles on approach. Not quite. ]

Lord Morpheus.

[ She hasn't yet asked where he lives, but it must be close. Or perhaps he can move in other ways; she has already seen such things. She isn't really in the mood to fantasize. When she stops before him, there's no tease to the tilt of her head. Only worry. ]

I understand that I was to await your invitation; it was not my intention to rush such matters. Only, something has changed and I cannot discern what it should mean...or if this city is once again playing me for a fool.

[ he regards her intensely, his eyes sweeping over her appearance exactly once. ]

This is not a social call, lady, so no offense is given. What has transpired?

[ She might tease that it's simply social in a more sobering nature, but something in his stare stifles the urge. At the inquiry, she'll look beyond him while considering her next words. Already she is feeling so very silly, like she really has been starting to go mad, but now here she is.

So with a sigh, she steps to move around him for the sake of the walk she had mentioned, burying her hands into the pockets of her skirts. ]

Someone has arrived from home.

[ he stays still at first as she moves around him, his head turning and following her, watching. then when it's clear she's taking the walk she mentioned, he starts to walk too, falling in line with her. ]

Someone who causes you great concern, or sleep would not elude you this night.

He is a friend who has sacrificed so much for my sake. It troubles me that he would be here at all, suffering further with this capture, even if I have missed him greatly.

[ The ground here is softer than the streets. She knows it better, scarcely needing to look to see where she's going. ]

That is not what has changed. Something is...different with him. [ A glance. ] Did you notice anything about Mr. Gadling when finding him here? Feel anything?

Different ... no. Hob is as he has been.

[ he tilts his head slightly, turning towards her as they walk. ]

How has he changed for you?

[ What has changed? Ethan is Ethan. Only... ]

There is something— I don't know. Some moments now he looks at me in a way he never has, and there is something there that...frightens me. Something I cannot name.

[ And Vanessa has been used to being confused by Ethan, by knowing of a monster that he hides, and yet this isn't that. She was never frightened by any of that. ]

His eyes are different.

Then ... perhaps he has seen something that you have not. Something that has changed him since you last saw him.

[ To that, she'll need a moment longer to think. ]

Before I was taken here, he and I were on our way back to London in the hopes of rescuing a friend of ours from a terrible danger. I have been dreadfully worried over the state of them all, but Mr. Chandler insists that everything went well in my absence. I can imagine how troubled they may have been to first find me gone, but they did not need me.

[ Which is...an entirely different matter. But she's glad, of course, or else they'd all be dead. ]

...He said something so strange when first calling out to me. [ She needs a moment to recollect exactly. ] That he...wouldn't leave me here. 'Not this time.' He said it in such a way— I have never heard him sound like that.

[ Even in relation to the city, it doesn't make much sense. Why would that be the first thing said to her? ]

[ he takes his own time to consider her words, their footfalls quiet in the grass. ]

... How did he sound to you?

[ She can think of several words and yet none. She has heard him say her name with a doting affection when allowing himself that rare warmth of companionship. She has heard his voice break along with his heart while she stared down the barrel of his gun and begged for the mercy of it. Yet how can this be more? How can it be nothing? ]

I don't...know. [ Rarely is she so hesitant, so openly bewildered, but she doesn't know how to answer. ] I... I have never heard my name spoken in such a chord. I wouldn't know what to name it.

[ She only knows that it doesn't sound...right. ]

Do you know to what he refers when he spoke "not this time"?

nill { and we took in the world anew

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dream of the endless { waiting for the marks to go away

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leon kennedy { entries of the dark messes were made

wrench { because there was blood on the view

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