citylogs | september catch-all { fabric of shame and sorrow's name

[ The soothing touches feel as though they cool her blood with every little shift, and when her eyes drift back open to stare off into nothing, it's with a heavy-lidded haze. ]

You consider them all to be an equal part of you?

[ Of course she had come to think of him ruling over dreams, managing them somehow, embodying them in a certain way, but not as wholly as he has now described. It's a fascinating consideration, and something that makes her smile to herself. It's bittersweet, though, perhaps a grimace, and fortunately something that's only able to be viewed by the crumbling headstones and twisted trees.

No matter what he says, Vanessa is sure that if given the choice, she could—would do away with the evil inside of her. After all she's done and is prophesied to do, how could she not? ]

Even the nightmares?

I am the King of Dreams and Nightmares, the personification of the concept of dreams.

[ he says it softly as of not wishing to disturb the quiet of the early morning around them, and it's also said with such casual confidence as to be talking about a fact somehow known by all; a foregone conclusion, inarguable. ]

I was there when the first living thing awoke to life, and I will fulfill my function as such until the universe ends and all life has disappeared from the cosmos.

[ ‘The first living thing.’ it sets a tremor within her just as much as the mentioning of the end of days, though it isn’t felt with the same dread. Instead it's like listening to something familiar, but long forgotten.

Her fingers press behind his shoulders, clutching more tightly now while her words fall muffled against his coat. ]

What if you couldn’t control your nightmares? What if they were why everything ended? Would you still be able to accept them as part of you?

[ she's facing away from him while looking towards the trees, but she'll feel the slight movement from him, the way he turns his head and dips his chin down to turn his gaze down on her. ]

A dream may just as easily bring an end to the universe. My ... inaction at the time let it run rampant.

[ there's a graveness to his tone there, a hinting at something he's not saying and all but confirmed when his thumb stops its movement against her back in that small pause. it resumes just a moment later though, his voice evening out again. ]

But I accepted it, both the dream as well as my own actions, because how could I do otherwise?

[ At the time?

Slowly, one hands slips around to press against his chest so that she can lean back just enough to look to him again—to see if any more answers can be found in those starry eyes of his. He is something greater than human, and he may see things in ways she can't understand, but she still can't imagine he would ever want everything to end. He's nothing like those who creatures who hunt her. How can he accept it?

How can she admit to the fleeting moment where she had nearly done the same? ]

What happened? After you accepted it?

[ Obviously everything didn't end, or he wouldn't be here. ]

[ he meets her eyes when she pulls back to look in his. ]

I took action.

What does that mean? Took action by doing what?

[ She's been running from and fighting herself for so long, no shortage of action taken, but she doesn't know how to rightly act when accepting it. Not completely. He can't tell her what to do, but this is the closest she has ever come to being able to seek such advice. ]

By taking steps to prevent the end of the universe. It took nearly everything I am to accomplish it.

[ There's a slight narrowing to her eyes, frustration breaking through. Not so much at him—though his opaque statements aren't enough of an answer—but for how impossible it actually is. For her, at least. ]

And yet you accepted that part of yourself? How could you do both? You must have let something of yourself go. Tell me true. How could I do anything of the sort without losing everything I am?

[ he meets her frustration as evenly as he has met everything else of hers this morning. ]

I let an entire universe go. I accepted the dreams of others into myself.

[ At times, she can’t tell if he speaks literally or figuratively. It must be how others feel when attempting to get information out of her. ]

There is only one universe that I can call home—the most I will ever have.

[ And even then, she will always be caught between worlds. It isn't a real home, but she's greedy for it nonetheless. ]

To let it go would mean losing everything.

[ he seems almost amused by her words despite the seriousness in which she says it. ]

That is usually the case for most beings.

[ In such proximity, it's impossible not to notice such a thing, and her own touch goes cold before she pulls away and steps back. With her hand back over her temple, Vanessa turns back to the way they came with a slow step. ]

I am not most beings. This is no game.

[ his hold on her is easy to break, easy to pull back from him since he has no inclination to hold her against her will. his arms fall back to his sides gracefully, but he doesn't move after her in case that was a full rejection. ]

No. It is not. It was not my intent to imply otherwise.

[ Despite her sudden retreat, it’s more from her own whimsy than from his comfort. She doesn’t move beyond the first step unless he makes a movement to join her, and her hand drops back to her side when she glances with a weary smile. ]

I have been burdening you with too much as it is, and I should not press so much upon you. One can only wonder what troubles still weigh upon your shoulders, even after what you have achieved.

[ Though it must have cost him much to accomplish whatever it is he barely speaks of, something of him still stands. Enough to mean something.

What would be left of her? Who else has already predicted the answer? ]

You requested my presence, lady Vanessa. I am not one to answer summons as a steward would.

[ his tone is a little more stern here, only hinting at something like annoyance without crossing over the line into it. were she continue to withdraw as she is and blame it on courtesy for him, he might become annoyed. he doesn't move to rejoin her by her side just yet either, her turned back still leaving the possibility of rejection still there. but neither is he making a move to leave. ]

What burden may reach us here, where we have been pulled away from such burdens awaiting us? To not speak of them only ensures their power over you.

[ The stillness and shift in tone draw her curiosity more than anything else, but it has been an entirely strange night where she is left questioning everything and doubting even more.

Some things do feel certain, though. ]

I would never consider you as such.

[ Despite, she makes a rather terrible ward, but would anyone call her a better friend? ]

Whatever is unable to reach us here still awaits our return. Any escape from this prison will not lead me toward the light, Morpheus.

[ Turning back toward him, she struggles to keep her voice steady and yet manages with an easy enough appearance despite the hush of it. A thumbnail scratches at the back of her hand. ]

And when I escape into nothing but darkness? Whatever my choices, that is the only certainty. How can I not fear that, for the sake of others if not for myself?

Then take this time, this unexpected reprieve, to gather strength and resolve to face the awaiting burdens.

[ his head tilts ever so slightly. ]

If they are as certain as you say, then what better reason is there if not then to seek counsel?

[ Such a thing wasn't even necessary before being brought here. She had more than enough resolve, and her strength, what strength? She has been collared and leashed, just as he has.

Hope only gets one so far, but it does go far. ]

I am still endlessly battered at, and I have likely gained a new enemy while my understanding has only lessened. [ Something of a dry chuckle might escape, but she manages to keep it to a shaken sigh. ] You would call this a reprieve?

[ he frowns ever so slightly, finally taking that step forward to stand by her side once again. ]

A new enemy?

Perhaps another old enemy. I don't know who they are. I'm not even certain they exist.

[ Only one more thing that no one can help her with. Not even a god, at least not here. Crowley had attempted to jostle something out of it, but she only got further away... ]

My time here has revealed parts of my being I had never hoped to know. Whatever else I have come to understand only leaves me with more questions.

[ The shake of her head is as half-hearted as the attempt at a smile. ]

Not even yet considering the one who has trapped us here, if they are not the same. [ In a lower tone that creeps with each word, she murmurs to herself while turning back to the path, ] The crowd of faceless foes, it grows and grows.

Can you name them? Is it this Amunet?

[ Could it ever be possible to escape that demon within? ]

No. It is another who calls that name while seeking me.

[ She ought to remember more clearly. Why can't she? Why doesn't it bother her more that she can't? ]

'They will hunt you until the end of days.' An old friend told me something of the like, but I can only remember the name of one behind the torment. Should the other ever walk among us, I fear I would not know until too late.

And this enemy is awaiting you when you return from this place.

[ he starts to walk slowly forward again, glancing to her to encourage her to walk with him again. ]

[ Walking alongside, she'll halt the absent scratching to instead reach for his arm. ]

Mr. Chandler would have told me if another revealed himself, I'm certain. Even with the witches gone, Lucifer must surely still be contended with, and beyond that I cannot...imagine anything. Or anyone.

[ Only more darkness. ]

Perhaps another false fear incited by this city.

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