citylogs | september catch-all { fabric of shame and sorrow's name

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september catch-all { fabric of shame and sorrow's name

WHO: Vanessa Ives (

matermali) & Others
WHAT: Friends, food, and fortune.
WHERE: Around town.
WHEN: September
WARNINGS: Cannabis use, blood magic.

( ooc; HMU with a PM or at

cherto if you’d like a starter. Vanessa can get up to all sorts of trouble, or maybe even try to help someone out of it. I'll also be throwing her at the meeting log asap.

You may want to check her permissions for possible content warnings and an opt-out. )

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

What does that mean? Took action by doing what?

[ She's been running from and fighting herself for so long, no shortage of action taken, but she doesn't know how to rightly act when accepting it. Not completely. He can't tell her what to do, but this is the closest she has ever come to being able to seek such advice. ]

By taking steps to prevent the end of the universe. It took nearly everything I am to accomplish it.

[ There's a slight narrowing to her eyes, frustration breaking through. Not so much at him—though his opaque statements aren't enough of an answer—but for how impossible it actually is. For her, at least. ]

And yet you accepted that part of yourself? How could you do both? You must have let something of yourself go. Tell me true. How could I do anything of the sort without losing everything I am?

[ he meets her frustration as evenly as he has met everything else of hers this morning. ]

I let an entire universe go. I accepted the dreams of others into myself.

[ At times, she can’t tell if he speaks literally or figuratively. It must be how others feel when attempting to get information out of her. ]

There is only one universe that I can call home—the most I will ever have.

[ And even then, she will always be caught between worlds. It isn't a real home, but she's greedy for it nonetheless. ]

To let it go would mean losing everything.

[ he seems almost amused by her words despite the seriousness in which she says it. ]

That is usually the case for most beings.

[ In such proximity, it's impossible not to notice such a thing, and her own touch goes cold before she pulls away and steps back. With her hand back over her temple, Vanessa turns back to the way they came with a slow step. ]

I am not most beings. This is no game.

[ his hold on her is easy to break, easy to pull back from him since he has no inclination to hold her against her will. his arms fall back to his sides gracefully, but he doesn't move after her in case that was a full rejection. ]

No. It is not. It was not my intent to imply otherwise.

[ Despite her sudden retreat, it’s more from her own whimsy than from his comfort. She doesn’t move beyond the first step unless he makes a movement to join her, and her hand drops back to her side when she glances with a weary smile. ]

I have been burdening you with too much as it is, and I should not press so much upon you. One can only wonder what troubles still weigh upon your shoulders, even after what you have achieved.

[ Though it must have cost him much to accomplish whatever it is he barely speaks of, something of him still stands. Enough to mean something.

What would be left of her? Who else has already predicted the answer? ]

You requested my presence, lady Vanessa. I am not one to answer summons as a steward would.

[ his tone is a little more stern here, only hinting at something like annoyance without crossing over the line into it. were she continue to withdraw as she is and blame it on courtesy for him, he might become annoyed. he doesn't move to rejoin her by her side just yet either, her turned back still leaving the possibility of rejection still there. but neither is he making a move to leave. ]

What burden may reach us here, where we have been pulled away from such burdens awaiting us? To not speak of them only ensures their power over you.

[ The stillness and shift in tone draw her curiosity more than anything else, but it has been an entirely strange night where she is left questioning everything and doubting even more.

Some things do feel certain, though. ]

I would never consider you as such.

[ Despite, she makes a rather terrible ward, but would anyone call her a better friend? ]

Whatever is unable to reach us here still awaits our return. Any escape from this prison will not lead me toward the light, Morpheus.

[ Turning back toward him, she struggles to keep her voice steady and yet manages with an easy enough appearance despite the hush of it. A thumbnail scratches at the back of her hand. ]

And when I escape into nothing but darkness? Whatever my choices, that is the only certainty. How can I not fear that, for the sake of others if not for myself?

Then take this time, this unexpected reprieve, to gather strength and resolve to face the awaiting burdens.

[ his head tilts ever so slightly. ]

If they are as certain as you say, then what better reason is there if not then to seek counsel?

[ Such a thing wasn't even necessary before being brought here. She had more than enough resolve, and her strength, what strength? She has been collared and leashed, just as he has.

Hope only gets one so far, but it does go far. ]

I am still endlessly battered at, and I have likely gained a new enemy while my understanding has only lessened. [ Something of a dry chuckle might escape, but she manages to keep it to a shaken sigh. ] You would call this a reprieve?

[ he frowns ever so slightly, finally taking that step forward to stand by her side once again. ]

A new enemy?

Perhaps another old enemy. I don't know who they are. I'm not even certain they exist.

[ Only one more thing that no one can help her with. Not even a god, at least not here. Crowley had attempted to jostle something out of it, but she only got further away... ]

My time here has revealed parts of my being I had never hoped to know. Whatever else I have come to understand only leaves me with more questions.

[ The shake of her head is as half-hearted as the attempt at a smile. ]

Not even yet considering the one who has trapped us here, if they are not the same. [ In a lower tone that creeps with each word, she murmurs to herself while turning back to the path, ] The crowd of faceless foes, it grows and grows.

Can you name them? Is it this Amunet?

[ Could it ever be possible to escape that demon within? ]

No. It is another who calls that name while seeking me.

[ She ought to remember more clearly. Why can't she? Why doesn't it bother her more that she can't? ]

'They will hunt you until the end of days.' An old friend told me something of the like, but I can only remember the name of one behind the torment. Should the other ever walk among us, I fear I would not know until too late.

And this enemy is awaiting you when you return from this place.

[ he starts to walk slowly forward again, glancing to her to encourage her to walk with him again. ]

[ Walking alongside, she'll halt the absent scratching to instead reach for his arm. ]

Mr. Chandler would have told me if another revealed himself, I'm certain. Even with the witches gone, Lucifer must surely still be contended with, and beyond that I cannot...imagine anything. Or anyone.

[ Only more darkness. ]

Perhaps another false fear incited by this city.

[ he holds out his arm, crooked at the elbow, for her to take as they walk. perfectly cordial. ]

Perhaps it is. Or perhaps you should ask this Ethan Chandler directly.

[ Her touch is light when she hooks her arm through his; cordial enough for someone that had been clinging to him while trying not to weep only moments earlier. ]

On that much, at least, I am certain that I wouldn't need to. He knows how tormented I've been already with knowing so little else of my fate.

[ Ethan would tell her unbidden if she had more enemies, of course he would. But she will concede that there are other truths he may be keeping hidden, and she has yet to discern if it's worth the risk of asking just yet. After all, what can be done about any of it while here? ]

And so I must consider facing a demon without a name, but not until I destroy the one with too many. How then would you ensure Lucifer's submission, had you no other choice?

If he knows you to be so tormented, would it be within his nature to withhold those things he know would cause you further pain?

[ it's a light question, not meant to needle or pry. he's posing an honest question for her to consider. ]

As for Lucifer, I would not hazard such actions against them unless I had no other choice. The Morningstar I am familiar with already has cause to seek my doom.

[ The question is something worth considering, but she would believe that nothing would be so dire as to overcome Ethan's understanding of Vanessa. Didn't he understand? So much of herself has been kept from her already.

Before she can even think to answer, though, his remarks on Lucifer utterly seize her attention, and she abruptly stops with a tightened grip on his sleeve. ]

You? Why?

[ Why would the King of Hell have any care for the fate of the King of Dreams? ]

[ he comes to a stop with her grip on his arm, turning his face towards hers. ]

There is much history between us, the Lightbringer and I. I have known of them when they were yet an angel, before they were cast out and barred from the Silver City.

[ She doesn't know why any of this should surprise her when he's claimed to have known Egyptian gods in their prime. Still, it only leaves her more puzzled, while something else tightens her jaw. Another muffled memory. ]

Was there another alongside? Cast out?

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