100more: (Default)
Robert (Hob) Gadling ([personal profile] 100more) wrote in [community profile] citylogs2023-12-02 11:48 am

[closed] catch-all log for December

WHO: ([personal profile] 100more) & Various
WHAT: May vary
WHERE: Mostly at Hob's home but can vary
WHEN: Late Nov - Dec
WARNINGS: Talk of werewolf attacks, injuries, possible affection?





abit_ofboth: (Default)

[personal profile] abit_ofboth 2023-12-09 08:46 pm (UTC)(link)
Why yes, yes he can. It's something he's found he's still able to do, though it seems his magic taps out after a rather small number of uses here. It is better than he initially thought though. But he wouldn't confirm or deny that now anyway. Besides, he's unsure he can help anyone else out of their clothing yet. A test for another time, to be sure.

Loki lets out a sympathetic sigh. "Yes, I know how hard it can be when you are unable to do every day things you enjoy. Pain is no fun either. I am glad I can be of some help, at least."

There's a bit of surprise on Loki's face as Hob slowly pulls him in a bit closer, but then relief fills him and he begins to relax as he does just that and lays his head on Hob's shoulder. On hand begins to gently fidget with the hem of Hob's shirt. "I want to tell you something, but I'm worried I will upset you if I do."
abit_ofboth: (sad)

[personal profile] abit_ofboth 2023-12-09 11:18 pm (UTC)(link)
Feeling the edge of Hob's bandages cause his heart to seize slightly. He frowns to himself, hating that he was hurt but so glad he's going to be okay. It's just a visceral reminder that he was not there to help, during or after. This is why he had tried to speak to Johanna, because as much as he doesn't want to hurt Ethan, had he been there when the attack happened, he would've torn the wolf apart for even looking at Hob. Or Johanna for that matter.

As Hob puts his arm around him, Loki looks down, his cheek rested on Hob's shoulder as he watches his hand play with the other man's shirt. He nods in response without lifting his head and swallows nervously. He thinks he did the right thing. He thinks he handled things correctly, but he doesn't know, not for sure. Loki is a creature of emotion and just the fact that he stopped to talk about it before simply reacting is an improvement. He just doesn't know if Hob will see that.

"I'm not sure if you saw, but Mr. Chandler put an apology of sorts out over the devices. I may have gone to see him."
abit_ofboth: (sad)

[personal profile] abit_ofboth 2023-12-12 02:11 am (UTC)(link)
Without knowing it was Ethan, Loki would've likely felt the same. Though the guilt would only have been due to it being Ethan specifically. He can't say he would care all that much if it was someone he didn't know. That level of empathy, it would seem, will take a bit more practice for Loki.

"I wanted to hurt him." Loki decides to start with pure honesty. For some reason Hob is one of the few people he finds he can't lie to. Or perhaps he simply doesn't want to, he's not really sure. "But I know that is not what you wanted, or ever would want, so I spoke with him. I let him explain. It was all rather difficult, perhaps more so than if I had just hit him. He... really is a much better person than I am."
abit_ofboth: (Default)

[personal profile] abit_ofboth 2023-12-12 10:12 pm (UTC)(link)
“You are?” It’s not that he doesn’t believe him. Hob wouldn’t lie to him about anything, but especially not something like this. But it’s still rather difficult for him to believe. Loki is just too used to giving into his natural instincts and his instincts had been screaming at him to do something awful to Ethan for hurting someone he cares about.

“He made me realize a few things about myself. Things I never really wanted to examine. I couldn’t do anything to him at that point, even if I was still angry. Even if I am still angry. But it seems now the most important thing will be preventing it from happening again.” Because now not only is Loki worried about anyone he’s become friendly with running into Ethan’s monster again, but he’s also worried about Ethan.
abit_ofboth: (sad)

[personal profile] abit_ofboth 2023-12-14 12:33 am (UTC)(link)
All of those are perfectly good reasons, it's just not something Loki is used to, and part of him is still second guessing himself, feeling like he should have done more. What that might be, he's unsure, but Loki's never been in a situation like this before, where he cared about someone this much. Everyone he's even remotely cared about before were fully able to take care of themselves. They hadn't needed the likes of Loki to look out for them.

That is a loaded question that Loki takes maybe a bit too long to answer. "I do. I want you to know everything about me, so you can make a proper decision about me before we get any closer. But I am afraid." Loki has done some truly terrible things in his life, most of which happened all in the last decade or so. A blink of an eye really when compared to the rest of his life, but would feel so much longer to many others. He says before they get closer, but the truth of it is, Loki is already hopelessly gone on Hob and if he’s rejected, he’s not sure he’ll ever get over it. He’s not very good at that sort of thing.
abit_ofboth: (sad)

[personal profile] abit_ofboth 2023-12-16 07:56 pm (UTC)(link)
There is one thing that is for certain, Loki could never reject Hob. Not now, maybe not ever. There isn’t a world where he could give him up now, he’s only trying to say the right thing, do the right thing, but he would be crushed if he did anything to make Hob reject him.

Loki lets out a long breath and closes his eyes. “I am not a good person, but lately I have been trying to be better. Even before I arrived here, I was trying, but it was hard. I do not trust easily, I never did, but it became much harder about ten years ago when I found out I was adopted. Or according to some, stolen, from a race of people I was raised to believe were our mortal enemy. The word monster was thrown around a lot when referring to them. Needless to say, I reacted rather badly and I hurt and killed a lot of people. I… I tried to have my brother killed, I invaded earth with an alien army and ended up destroying one of their major cities. I faked my death a number of times and even forced some to do things against their wills.” He pauses for a minute there before whispering, “I am responsible for my mother’s death.”

There’s another pause before he begins speaking again. He worries that if he doesn’t take a moment to take a breath, he will start to cry. “Some of what Ethan told me made me empathize with him because of what I had been through, but what disturbs me truly is that while he steps up, admits his wrong doings and tries to right his wrongs, I did none of those things. I was imprisoned by my family for a time, but I never attempted to make things right. Not until more recently anyway and even when I did, when I finally thought I might be making things better with my brother and my people. Well, I died, and woke up here. I do not know if this is a second chance, but the one thing I truly learned from my conversation with Ethan is that I was definitely handling things very badly. I do not think I deserve forgiveness for all I have done, I merely hope that you hearing this hasn’t resulted in me losing you.”

As his story comes to an end, Loki feels tense, as if he’s waiting for Hob to kick him out, which is really the truth. It seems at least possible, but for once in his life, he has hope.
abit_ofboth: (sad)

[personal profile] abit_ofboth 2023-12-17 06:23 pm (UTC)(link)
Despite the fear he feels as he speaks, he also begins to feel lighter. There are plenty of people that know what Loki has done, but admitting it to someone he cares about feels like unloading a burden. He deserves it if Hob does leave him, he knows that, but at least he’s given him the opportunity to make an informed decision.

Ironically, he doesn’t see how that attitude alone is proof of change. Not all that long ago he never would have even considered telling someone he cares about. He would’ve lied and cheated and manipulated every way he could think of to keep it from him instead of facing up to it dead on.

The silence is almost suffocating to him as he waits to see just which way things will go. If Loki were one to pray, he would be doing that just now. Instead he simply closes his eyes and tries not to panic. He can feel tears prick the corners of his eyes as he holds his breath, waiting to hear Hob’s response.

The way Hob says his name feels loaded and Loki can’t tell if he’s about to be forgiven or pushed away forever. The only thing holding him together is that Hob’s arm is still securely around him.

When Hob finally speaks, Loki lets out a shaky breath that sounds dangerously close to a sob. He feels both relieved and a little disbelieving, like he must have heard him wrong. “I think you could.” Loki’s voice is barely above a whisper as he tries not to show he’s crying. “But… are you sure?”
abit_ofboth: (sad)

[personal profile] abit_ofboth 2023-12-17 11:28 pm (UTC)(link)
When prompted, Loki cuddles up to Hob, though he’s still quite careful of his wounds. He can’t help but press his face into his chest, taking comfort from the warmth and smell of him as he tries to keep control and fails.

He can hear the emotion in Hob’s voice and he shifts just enough so he can sit up and look at Hob again, though he stays firmly pressed against him, needing to feel him. “I’m sorry, I really did not want to upset you.” His voice is still soft as he gently wipes at the tears Hob has shed.

His heart freezes a bit when Hob asks about his death. He hadn’t meant to tell him like this, he hadn’t wanted to tell him at all, though he knew he would eventually. But while he was trying to recover and after piling on all this stuff about his past? It is not his finest moment.

“I don’t know, not for sure. I have been trying to find out. When I arrived, I wasn’t sure I had died at all. I thought perhaps I had just passed out, but I have had it confirmed. At least as best as I can confirm anything in this place. I think it might be why this place was able to take me in the first place.” Loki swallows thickly then, casting his eyes down in shame. “I should have told you sooner. No one wants to become attached to a dead man walking, I am sure.”
abit_ofboth: (Fond)

[personal profile] abit_ofboth 2023-12-18 08:27 pm (UTC)(link)
Hob might not be paying attention to his wounds right now, but Loki is. Seeing Hob sad hurts and he's not going to do something stupid by hurting him physically as well. He really shouldn't have said anything, at least not right now, but since he spoke with Ethan his thoughts on this have been bothering him and Hob was the first and possibly only, person he'd wanted to speak with about it. It doesn't make him feel any less guilty or selfish though.

When Hob speaks, Loki lets out a sad sigh and lets his forehead drop to his shoulder. His fingers grip at the hem of his shirt as he feels he needs to hold onto something, and that seems like the safest thing right now. "I'm so sorry. I did not want to be that for you. I should have said something earlier, the moment I knew I had feelings for you so you could choose to leave more easily. I was just... scared. Not just of losing you, but of the fact that I should not be alive. It is something I ignored for awhile after I arrived."

Loki looks up at him again with a sad smile. "I'm hoping it still can be different. I will not stop looking for a way to stay alive, to stay with you. For as long as you will have me."
abit_ofboth: (sad)

[personal profile] abit_ofboth 2023-12-20 03:52 pm (UTC)(link)
Hob’s touch is soothing. Something he hasn’t felt in quite some time. When was the last time someone tried to make him feel better? Thor had made attempts at points, his mother for certain, but not in longer than Loki can really remember. He feels a bit ashamed, but takes comfort in the touch. Yet another thing he’s willing to take even when he thinks he doesn’t deserve it.

More than anything he wants to be there with Hob, to be the one that could stay with him forever. Even without what happened right before he arrived in the city, he would’ve only had a few thousand years. But that was better than most could offer him, he knows.

“You would choose to stay, even if you’d known?” That really does surprise Loki, and it’s evident in his tone. He understands that there have been times when Hob has found people he cares for that will live a fraction of what Loki should and how hard that must be. It’s why he never sought out mortals himself. But he’s still not convinced that Hob doesn’t have a chance with Dream. He’s a much more certain thing.

Loki lets himself smile then and he leans in to give Hob a gentle kiss, just a light brush of their lips. “Together we can make anything happen.” He tries to sound confident about that because he wants so badly for it to be true.
abit_ofboth: (Fond)

[personal profile] abit_ofboth 2023-12-21 10:17 pm (UTC)(link)
And that is one of the many things that Loki loves about Hob. How caring he is, how much he truly wants to help people. He feels lucky to be counted amongst the people he cares about the most. He also wants to learn from his example and be a better person. He’s inspiring like that.

“I cannot tell you how lucky I feel. That I can be counted amongst people you care for that much. I really want to show you I am worthy of your time.” He knows that Hob doesn’t see it that way, but it doesn’t stop Loki from feeling that way. He wants to make him proud.

Loki laughs softly, unable not to grin widely at those words, a blush colouring his cheeks at being told how stunning Hob thinks he is. Loki is aware people find him handsome, but he’s never been told anything quite like that before. “You are hardly hard to look at yourself, you know. I bet you have not had trouble finding a partner in the past. I’m sure many a man or woman have come knocking at your door.”
abit_ofboth: (Confused)

[personal profile] abit_ofboth 2023-12-23 08:22 pm (UTC)(link)
In no way does Loki expect that Hob has always lived a good life. Even the best of people go through bad times, especially when they can live as long as Hob has. But Loki is starting to believe he knows Hob's heart and no matter what he may have done in the past, he knows he's a good man.

Once again, Loki doesn't quite realize that this same logic could be applied to himself with how Hob thinks of him, but as smart as he is, he really is bad at seeing himself. He just smiles softly, unsure of what to say to that shake of the head. He knows what Hob thinks, he just worries he's wrong. More than anything, Loki wants to live up to his expectations.

That revelation surprises Loki if only because he can't help but imagine that Hob would have his choice of anyone he wants. Then he's confused because Hob seems embarrassed by that. "Were you... worried about telling me that?" He asks gently, his curiosity evident as much as his confusion. Loki can't remember the last time he was with someone. Certainly long before the debacle around Thor's coronation. His reputation really hadn't helped him in such matters.
abit_ofboth: (Fond)

[personal profile] abit_ofboth 2023-12-24 06:20 pm (UTC)(link)
"I did not expect you were, but I find it hard to believe no one was interested." Loki can't help but smile fondly at Hob as it occurs to him that means it is more likely that Hob was the uninterested one. He actually likes the idea that it's been awhile for him and not just because he finds himself in a similar situation, but because he's finding out now just how much Hob really likes him. He feels special and very honoured. And when they do make things more physical, he's going to go out of his way to make sure it's an experience Hob will never forget.

Where this man came from and how Loki got so lucky is a mystery for the ages, he's sure, but he's hardly about to take it for granted. The Norns have given him something beyond special here and he plans to treat it with all the care and respect it deserves. Because Hob deserves all the care and respect.

"Have I mentioned that I like a man who knows what he wants?" It's a bit of a joke, just because Loki is having a hard time understanding how he became someone for Hob to care for. Don't get him wrong, he loves that he is and will do everything in his power to keep things on the right track, but it doesn't mean it's still not surprising for him. Also, it's true. There's no wondering if he's understood correctly, no worries that he didn't get it right. Hob is being quite straight-foward with him and he appreciates it greatly.

"You know, we are not so different, you and I. I also have not had time for conquests in some time. Nor do I find the idea appealing. It is much better waiting for someone you care for than just a one night stand." Not that Loki hasn't had fun with those, even recently, but he thinks this will be much better.

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