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[ open ] kaveh's permanent catch-all

WHO: kaveh (

fussiest) & y'all!
WHAT: this is a perpetual catch-all for kaveh because i'm too lazy to make a new one every month. this is for closed starters, tag-ins, visits to kaveh's workshop and the like! be wild! be bold! be free!
WHERE: all around the city, and especially at kaveh's workshop, the pairidaeza architectural design studio in district 1
WHEN: everywhere! everywhen! all at once!
WARNINGS: bickering, probably - everything else will be warned for on a thread-by-thread basis

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I also build custom furniture, and cook. What can I say? I'm a man of many talents. [ said, however, with a rueful quirk of his lips. he is, after all, an architect without much to build.

kaveh's head cants. ] Now that you know their purpose, I wouldn't blame you for not wanting to help with the wires. I was going to tell you about the bonesaws regardless, for what it's worth, even if you hadn't been here today. It simply seemed like something that you would have wanted to know.

...Thanks. I guess.

["Something you would have wanted to know", he says, like its the most matter-of-fact thing in the world.]

[Vergilius doesn't say anything for a moment. Of course, he could've been one of the people Daan told. Which is fine, he supposes, he told the good doctor as such. But still, when this all happened suddenly, and there's already people like this making note of it as if its unavoidably seen as the color of blue in the sky, he feels all the more awkward for it.]

[He's never been an open person. Even to Daan, there's still things he's learning about being direct about his feelings. Here, its like a spotlight on his back, and he's trying in vain to not acknowledge it.]

[So he sighs, instead, which seems an all-around good reaction to most of his life at this point.]

...What do you think about us? Since it seems you're all in the know about it in some fashion.

[In the resigned tone of someone who is like "get it on, already".]

[ kaveh looks. vergilius sighs. it's a sigh that suggests the weight of the world has already draped itself on his shoulders and refuses to slide. it's a sigh that suggest vergilius will carry that weight whether it pleases him or not to do so, because it is there, and it must be carried, and it is his. it's a sigh, kaveh thinks, that reminds him very much of daan's. they are similar in ways that perhaps even kaveh has difficulty verbalising. and birds, didn't they flock, if they were of a feather?

here, the burden is that of love. kaveh wishes it weren't so, because that is something that he isn't equipped to navigate. not as of himself. the question has him pause as he looks at vergilius, really looks at him. ]

... before I answer that - I suppose I must ask you. Why would my opinion on you and Daan matter to you? Or rather, why should it?

It doesn't matter one bit.

[The answer comes out as blunt as a hammer hitting a nail, without any hesitation. A pause, and he continues, knowing he needs to elaborate.]

I guess you could say one of my pet peeves is when people dance around a topic. They try to be polite. They bite on their tongue to the point it could fall off. It annoys me like nothing else. Here I could have a perfectly normal conversation with someone, and they've decided to come in on an elephant and pretend it's not there in the room at all.

[Maybe its odd for him to be a fan of poetry, in all its twisting meaning and language, but want people to be as direct as possible. Ah. well, he's always been a hypocrite.]

So yell at me, deride me, celebrate me, I don't care. I'd rather it just be out and dealt with. I'm not as patient as one may think. If you don't really have an opinion, then sure, fine. Great. Regardless of your answer, I'll continue to make the decisions I want to make. That's all.

[ the answer is unsurprising in every way possible. kaveh nearly laughs for it. what happens is the slow crawl of a smile. it's fond along its edges. it's softer for it. of course, kaveh thinks, that ought to be the answer.

it's the only one that keeps both heart and integrity, and of course vergilius would have both. this is the man that daan trusted with his heart. ]

Good. [ kaveh says, and means it: good. ] Then I will say it to you honestly, and simply: whatever you are doing, you are doing it right. And not only are you doing it right, but you're doing it in a way that's good.

Other than that, my only other opinion is that I want Daan to realise that sandwiches are more than just slapping some meat between slices of bread. But that's an uphill struggle that I've taken on all on my own, so this is just my venting.

[Vergilius has half a mind to snap at him to stop smiling like that, damn you, but it doesn't come. He's more awkward than annoyed, shifting in place.]

[Good? He thinks its good?]

[He's far too used to it being the opposite.]

Look, I'll agree with him on the sandwich issue there, so you're on your own. [And a pause - he's trying to find words, here.] Anyways. Sure. I'll take your opinion. Thanks.

[HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.]

[ kaveh grins. ]

Oh, then I suppose I'll have to change both your minds on the issue. That's good as well. I'm up for a challenge. I've changed the shape of a port's skyline before, surely I can handle two stubborn men who haven't had a proper sandwich before. You're very welcome, Vergilius.

Now - have you eaten today?

I don't need you to take any kind of challenge, there. No one is asking you to.

[Leave them alone to their PISSPOOR SANDWICHES]

[And...hm.]

[He is very focused on the wires here suddenly what a good worker....]

[ what a good worker... such a good worker. kaveh looks.

then, because he's kaveh, he begins to menacingly reach for his tote. ]

I am taking that as a 'no'.

[He's instantly letting out one hell of an exhausted groan.]

What am I, a stray dog? Stop.

[ kaveh grins. ]

Shan't. [ with a pleased hum: ] You sound tired regardless. I was going to let you off with a sandwich all on its own, but you've just earned yourself a drink as well.

[NOT THE DRINK.]

Do you do this to all people, or are you just mean to me in particular.

[ NOW IT'S TWO DRINKS. ]

When you see a man who so evidently can't take care of himself, don't you also get the impetus to shove food his way? If it makes you feel any better, though, I find Daan equally offensive regarding his ability to take care of himself. [ ah, that's a good idea. kaveh fishes out a container, and then a water bottle so he can wash his hands. the container is cracked open. he begins to put together a sandwich. ] You'll have a sandwich now, and I'll send you back with another one for Daan. I suspect if you haven't eaten, neither has he.

[NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

No, I don't, actually.

[He's sincere about that.]

[And......................he's really making a sandwich. He really is. Here and now.]

You do realize we're adult men, right?

Well, yes. But even adult men can be hopeless.

Such astounding faith you have in us. Truly. We've survived this long without your help.

I know, I know. And you will long after I've passed on from this mortal coil. But it doesn't cost me to care and bully you a little, and it gets you some better food in the end. If nothing matters, then it's little things like these that matter.

And put it all aside, it makes me feel better that I'm doing this. So let me, hm?

...

[He actually has to stand here and think for a long moment. he doesn't know what to feel. What does it mean, that it makes Kaveh feel better?]

[He finally speaks, voice quiet:]

I haven't even done anything for you.

[ kaveh looks. ]

Why would I ever want you to do something for me? [ ... with a little smile: ] Continue to do what you do for Daan. Shouldn't that take up all your time?

[He opens his mouth with a million answers.]

[Because that is how the world works. Because no one does anything for free, not really. Everyone is selfish in the world. So are you. So am I. Kindness where I come from always comes with strings attached. Good hearts never survive. They only get twisted.]

[He doesn't say any of it, a little helpless.]

...I'm not used to it. [He finally says.] And...perhaps. Sometimes I still struggle to understand what I do for Daan.

[Of course, he has a sense, but he's never experienced this level of devotion. It confounds him even now.]

[ kaveh's smile softens around its edges. it had been like this for don, he thinks, to have to confront the care of others in a way that made sense to her. it had been like this for daan, to see what he has earned and taken back for himself despite what he had gone through. kaveh can only guess at what vergilius has been through himself. even his guesses would be wrong. but the aftermath is something that vergilius is living through, and kaveh knows that well - the arduous journey of being allowed things when so little ought to be.

he breathes out. ]

Well, it ought to be a struggle. Struggling is how we make sense of the world. If everything is always clear, then it comes too easily, and I think we should always be a little suspicious when decisions come too easily, because it means we might've missed something. You struggle for Daan because you've chosen to; just the fact that you are means something.

[ kaveh looks. ] You love him, right?

...

[So the act of struggling means something, huh? It's true. If it came far too easily it would be suspect. Both of them are struggling, but in a way where they're able to reach out and keep the other's head above water.]

[The question, so direct, makes him twist his mouth to the side - admittedly, a little embarrassed to be called out so bluntly. Time to lean on the classic sarcasm to cover sincerity!!!]

...I'd like to see him launched out a window on a good day.

[So. Yes.]

[ kaveh laughs. ]

So long as you're in a position to rush down and catch him as he's falling out, I'd imagine.

[ but it settles something for kaveh, as it always does when emotions are in the equation. vergilius is a rough man, but he is true. he'll treat daan well. ]

Then, it's simple, isn't it? Persevere and do what it is you do for Daan until you understand it.

...You make it sound so simple.

[As if anything good could be. Anything bad comes easy. Anything good must be kept out of reach.]

[It's how it's always been.]

And what if I never do?

How is persevering simple? [ kaveh smiles. the smile is a self-deprecating one. kaveh had killed his father, and he had watched his mother waste away. this is what he has learned from it all: ] Perseverance is the refuge of the talentless and the desperate. It's what you do when you have nothing else to you and nothing left to lose save for that one thing. Persevering is the knowledge that you don't know where this path will lead to and when it will end, if ever, but that you still must walk it because the alternative is not walking it, and that isn't acceptable.

[ soft as dust: ] It is the recognition that you might not be enough, and are most certainly not enough in this moment, but you have to do it anyway, because there is something you love more than how much you hate yourself. So what if you never do? Even if you never do, the only thing you expend is yourself, right? So what loss is there? You might as well try.

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[ open ] kaveh's permanent catch-all

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