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[ Always, always, always, the architect continues not to think of himself, but for the broken puppet who is trying so, so desperately not to break under the weight of the architect's kindness, because a sinner like him could never deserve such a thing, so long as he has crimes to atone for.

The Balladeer is a part of him. But he is not the Balladeer. And it is not easy to be so callous and cruel as he once was. He burns in the warmth of Kaveh's eyes. There is a monster churning in the empty cavity of his chest, clawing its way up into his throat and trying to escape through his mouth. Its struggle can be heard in the tremor of his voice, as he tries to hold onto the rage of the Balladeer to push himself through this. ]

Your prayers mean nothing to me. A god stands alone in his eminence. If you're so ready to kill yourself for your misguided ideals, then die.

[Alhaitham's hand snaps back. It grabs for Kaveh's wrist in a vice grip.] Are you two done circling this conversation? None of this is productive. We can try to redirect this to another end or we can go straight to the script it wants us to do and get out of here. Nobody here wants to do this but we don't have any other choices.

[ 'if you're so ready to kill yourself for your misguided ideals, then die' the wanderer says, and kaveh nearly smiles. yes, kaveh thinks - he has died before hasn't he? over and over again, in a holding pattern just like this, over ideals that may never come to fruition. but they were kaveh's ideals to die for. if not kaveh, then who? rather, it took a certain kind of requisite strength to live for your ideals, and kaveh didn't have that, not really.

this, kaveh doesn't say. instead, with a single step forward: ]

Luckily for all of us involved, you're no god, are you? [ kaveh tips his chin, ] And even so, not even a god is capable of judging my ideals. Yes, I've been trying to die, and I've no compunction over it being for you - Alhaitham!

[ alhaitham's hand snaps out for kaveh's wrist. instinctively, kaveh tugs against it, and then finds himself wound back much in the way of a reeled fishing line. the red of his glare turns itself first on their joined wrist, and then to alhaitham proper -

kaveh looks. and then, slowly, kaveh takes in a deep breath. he lets it go. ]

... you're right, though. Maybe there is another path forward. I doubt it, but it's worth exploring.

[ He's tired, all of a sudden. It is inevitable, he thinks, that he will have to hold Kaveh's heart once more, and on top of that, he will have Alhaitham's blood on his hands. What exactly was he fighting against? It's all meaningless in the end.

Why is it that Kaveh is so eager to throw his life away? Would it be the same, if there was no guarantee he would come back to life? Even when he has so much passion, so much ambition, and so much love surrounding him? He envies Kaveh so much, and hates him for his willingness to throw all that the puppet couldn't have away so easily.

He lets go of the anger, and lets the cold, bitter void in his chest numb him to his own feelings. Anything else but the searing emotions threatening to burst out from his eyes as tears. ]

...do as you please.

[ The words are quiet, and he stands there, waiting for the other two to give him direction. ]

[Kaveh agrees to it. Alhaitham's grip relaxes. His shoulders follow when Hat Guy acquiesces.

He closes his eyes for a moment to think. When he opens them, his attention is on Hat Guy.] If the story needs a lesson, wouldn't the best one to replace it with be for the puppet to accept himself as he is, instead of trying to become something else?

[After all, if the puppet decided he didn't need to be human, could live as what he is, there wouldn't be any need to sacrifice his creators.]

[ the young man stills. it's as if, kaveh thinks, the strings of a puppet were cut, and what's left behind is not the rage and bluster of a script well-written, but the actor himself. a puppet meant to mimic the gods, by definition, is not a god. all creators have a wish when creating what they had. kaveh hands had molded clay and sundered stone for the pure wish of having a dream actualised in a world where dreams have gone to die - he has sewn for warmth and forged for safety. he has loved, and loved still. so what did the creator of a puppet meant to mimic god wish for in that moment when they had taken machinery to form?

and what did a puppet wish for?

kaveh's anger halts. it halts in the palm of alhaitham's hand. alhaitham relaxes his grip, and for the first time, kaveh allows it, that final step back. he looks. ]

... only if that is the puppet's wish, is it not? [ what did the god wish for? kaveh has only ever known the perspective of the god. he has never taken on the perspective of the palace. ] But I think we are asking all the wrong questions. Why would a puppet want to become human in the first place? What is it about humanity that attracts wishes like these?

[ What had the god wished for, when creating this puppet? What had Ei wished for? He was a prototype for the Raiden Shogun, but, perhaps he would have still had a purpose had he not shed tears in his sleep. Perhaps he would have worked together with the Raiden Shogun—his sister—in ruling Inazuma in Ei's stead. Perhaps he could have had his mother's approval. Perhaps.

Perhaps.

But he can never know what he was really made for, other than the fact that he is capable of accepting a Gnosis, and therefore that must have had something to do with his purpose.

(It is a function that not even the Raiden Shogun has, for Ei eventually decided it was a function not needed, and sent the Gnosis to Yae Miko instead.)

What did the Wanderer wish for, now? Why did he want so desperately to become human? To have a heart, just like humanity? He answers truthfully, because he's so tired right now. ]

I... I wanted... everyone seemed to understand what they had to do. Everyone seemed to have a purpose at the forge, but I was... the odd one out. They were all so kind to me, but it felt like there was something in between us, because I wasn't human. Because I was different.

I wanted to belong. I wanted to be a part of them. I didn't want Nagamasa and Katsuragi to keep looking at me so warily, because they knew who my mother was. I wanted Niwa to treat me like a proper swordsmith apprentice instead of treating my curiosity as a whim from the strange Kabukimono. I wanted...

[ He trails off, trembling. He wanted so much, so badly. ]

[This is not the story. This is Hat Guy. Kaveh's hand slips free and Alhaitham crosses his arms as he regards him.

He wanted purpose. He wanted to belong. And Alhaitham is a man who has always stood away from others. He is someone who grew with the blessing: being different is a gift.]

People find purpose in a society not only by their similarities, but just as much by their differences.

[ kaveh's heart aches.

there had been a kshahrewar junior just beginning to cut his teeth on the diatribe of his betters that summer. they called him the urchin of the kshahrewar because of his voracious appetite for annotations - and because he didn't have a father. not really. to the eyes of those looking from above, that was as good as an orphan in their midst, a child that didn't belong. it had started there. kaveh had never wanted to stand out. he had always wanted to belong.

it was the kindness, the gentle words, the jokes and the warmth. your inner world was already a place of chaotic thought and crippling loneliness. kaveh simply thought that it wasn't wrong, to not want to be alone.

then, he had met alhaitham. ]

It isn't wrong, to want that similarity despite your differences. Nor is it wrong to be different. [ is what kaveh says. because he had met alhaitham, and that hadn't shaken his ideals. just as the monsoons break themselves over sumeru's canopy each season, so does too kaveh's ideals stand in the buffet of criticism and know itself to be true. but ideals can change shape; they can grow. ] The ones at the forge seemed like they stood apart from you not because they perceived a difference in you, but because you perceived a difference in yourself.

Even apprentices to the same master can be treated differently for who they are. If they didn't treat others the same way they treated you, then something changed their behaviour. [ kaveh looks. ] The difference you perceived in treatment, then, can only be described as love.

[ He remembers the look in Katsuragi's face the day he took the puppet in. He remembers the discussion him and Nagamasa had. 'I can only deal with you in this fashion. Do not hold this against me,' he had said, looking apologetic, but the Kabukimono hadn't understood it at the time, why he looked that way. He didn't understand why he always looked that way, when the inspector looked in his direction.

He remembers the smile on Niwa's face when the puppet expressed interest in sword smithing. He remembers putting his all into learning, and the surprise in Niwa's face when he showed him the first sword he made. He remembers that he was always treated kindly, when the other apprentices were treated strictly. He thought it weird, that he was not treated the same.

He remembers everyone's smiles, their eyes lit up in joy, every time he helped them. He remembers their concern and their worry for him, and how warm that made him feel.

Why was it that he felt like he never belonged? He doesn't remember that anymore, because he's lived for so long, and he understands humans much better now. Kaveh is right—it wasn't because he was a puppet. It was because they loved him.

And, for the first time in centuries—for the first time since the tears that caused him to be abandoned by his mother—he cries. He sinks to his knees, bending over as sobs wrack his body, as the full gravity of his own actions sink in—his sins suddenly feel impossibly heavy, and they crush him under the weight of it all. They had never betrayed him. Not once. But he— but he—!! ]

I'm sorry, Niwa, I'm sorry...!

[ kaveh pulls the young man into his arms.

there had been a child desperate to find his place in the world. there had been another in the house of daena standing aside from his cohort, a single bird excluded from the flock. perhaps it had always been kaveh's fate, kaveh realises, to see the loneliness in others and to want desperately to respond in kind. the pain, the sorrow, the grief. wasn't it kaveh who said it to midnight, that they didn't ever grow up from their mistakes, just grew into the best shape to carry them forward? but wasn't it netzach who said so, that if loving someone wasn't a miracle, then he didn't know what is?

you can be both the grief and the love. kaveh's known that for a long time. his mother had been both. so had he. so had alhaitham, who had watched his grandmother die. so had this young man. he merely remembered the grief, not the love, because the body wasn't meant to carry the shape of a love that hurt so much. midnight had been wrong after all. love did hurt, but not because it wanted to. but because it needed to be remembered.

sorry, the young man says. kaveh holds him there, his hand carding through the young man's hair. kaveh says, ]

It's alright, Wanderer. [ soft as dust. soft as dust. ] You're not alright, but you will be.

You will be.

[ He cries and cries and cries, cries four hundred years worth of grief. He cries for his family in Tatarasuna. He cries for his family that was the ailing, nameless boy. He cries for the family he never got to have in Ei and the Raiden Shogun. He cries for all the families he destroyed in his misguided revenge. He cries that his erasure in Irminsul could not save anyone. He cries, head against Kaveh's chest, against the beating heart he can hear so clearly, that he must take it from its rightful place for them to get out of here. He cries for Alhaitham, for he would have to witness his love die before him before dying himself.

If only he didn't exist. If only he never existed...!!

No. He cries, because he so badly wants to be here, to fix everything he made wrong, to be here for Altria, who is as lonely as he, to take Kaveh's hand in friendship, because he admires the architect so much, to discuss with Alhaitham the nature of this world, because he trusts Alhaitham's judgement. He cries because he wants to be by Nahida's side, to help her as she guides Sumeru to a brighter future. He cries, because he wants to see the Traveler once more and apologize for everything he's done and more.

So he cries, and keeps crying.

Eventually though, the tears dry up. Not because he is done crying—there is still so much he would shed tears over—but because there is so much more that he must do.

He pulls away from Kaveh, rubbing away the last of the tears and controlling the hiccup of his sobs. ]

I'm... [ sorry? Alright? There's so much he wants to say. But he looks up, at the two of them. Kaveh and Alhaitham. Two people who embody humanity in its beauty. That's what he thinks of them. ] I'm ready.

[ Ready to draw this fairy tale to a close. ]

Edited 2023-12-11 08:48 (UTC)

[Alhaitham stands back. He doesn't avert his eyes, but he also doesn't draw attention to himself as kaveh swoops in. Kaveh whose heart bleeds more readily, who cares more naturally, and understands better than Alhaitham that desire to be part of people, as a whole.

That's fine. Alhaitham won't mold himself to something he isn't. He's a silent witness to Hat Guy's grief, and nothing more.

And at the end, Hat Guy rises shakily. He pulls himself together with resolve. He says I'm ready.

Alhaitham doesn't need to clarify what. The story won't actually let them divert its path. It won't allow the puppet to find peace in itself.

His fingers dig into his skin. That's the decision, then.] Alright. [Alright.] So am I.

[ the young man cries. kaveh holds him. it is the only thing kaveh knows how to do. he knows, is the thing. kaveh knows.

kaveh knows what it's like, to look into the distance, and fail to see the brightest way forward.

slowly, the last of the tears die. kaveh's hands, which have found themselves against the wanderer's back, gently rubs circles of warmth into his shaking frame. there's the impetus to reach forward and wipe the young man's tears away from him. but even kaveh knows that in the moment, that fragility is the most that the young man has ever allowed. he observes the salt-tracks that the tears have left behind, and, with a firm nod, looks up. ]

Alhaitham. [ kaveh says, and meets alhaitham's eyes. there is trust there. there always has been. when the world needs to fall, it is alhaitham's judgment that kaveh will always rely on, because in the end, trust has always been a choice.

kaveh chooses to trust, even as he questions: ] ... will you be alright?

[ there had been a bridge, and a flooding pile. there had been blood. and kaveh - in those final moments, remembers, that alhaitham did not have a chance to close his eyes. ]

[There is no need for Alhaitham to ask Kaveh if he's ready. Kaveh was ready first, after all. But there is a need, he realizes, for Kaveh to ask Alhaitham if he will be alright. That being ready is not the same thing.

Alhaitham looks back. There is no imposition of blood on too pale skin. Alhaitham's eyes have always seen more clearly than most. But there is, tucked back in his mind, that reality. There will be one that's even more gruesome ahead of them, because Alhaitham will not allow Kaveh to watch him die first.

Alhaitham's arms unwind. He closes the gap between them in three steps and takes Kaveh's face in his hands. And then he draws into a kiss, one that is firm, one that lingers upon their lips in the warmth and sting.

It's a promise.] We will be alright.

[Kaveh, and Alhaitham, and Kaveh and Alhaitham. Because they will make it so, and when has anyone else been able to decide their fates for them?]

[ we will be alright, alhaitham says. kaveh's breath stutters. it snuffs out against alhaitham's lips - and in that moment, it is just like so: kaveh and alhaitham, a three-legged creature making their way through a world not quite meant for the shape of them. but has that ever mattered? kaveh laid down roads, and alhaitham navigated the way. the two of them have always done so, apart from each other, and together. kaveh had always wanted to see it, how far the road that the two of them would walk would stretch, to what new depths could their joined hands plunge. the process of it was always going to be work. kaveh never shied away from work.

but this is not work. kaveh bleeding to death before alhaitham's eyes is not work. alhaitham pulls away. it's kaveh who pulls him back in. for another kiss, fierce and sure. ]

Of course we will be. We are Kaveh and Alhaitham, and since when did we shy away from what needed to be done? You toppled a government. I built a palace. Both were said to be things that couldn't be done. [ kaveh bares his teeth. his hand draws across the contour of alhaitham's cheek. he lets him go.

he turns to the wanderer. kaveh's eyes are red flint and the heartfire of something that once was supposed to extinguish, but merely forgot how. ] ... sorry. I will ask you to accept it once more, that beating heart of mine. It's a useless organ that doesn't know when to stop itself. Will you let me do it once more?

[ He doesn't say anything as the two share a private moment to themselves. He doesn't look, either, as he finds himself wanting to give the two as much privacy as possible, because it's not nice, what will happen next.

But he's decided he's ready to do this. To take Kaveh's heart and Alhaitham's blood. To know that this isn't the same as the last, it's not like the tragedy of Tatarasuna. It's a tragedy still, but it won't stay this way. At the end, they will all be fine. At the end, the two of them will be fine. For that reason, he's willing to shoulder their pain on his shoulders. He doesn't want to see their brilliance die here, stuck because of him.

He closes his eyes, then opens them and looks unfaltering at Kaveh. Looks at the fire burning within his eyes, sees his desire to give and give to the puppet. It's heavy, still, but he has no choice but to bear it now.

He nods quietly and moves to retrieve a dagger from the side—one that had clearly been prepared for this moment. He reaches out for it, and pauses for a moment. There is something he has been withholding about himself. It's a small, silly, inconsequential thing, but right now, it feels... appropriate, to give out.

Both of them deserved to know the name of the puppet that would kill them, he thinks.

He turns to face them both, dagger in hand. There is clarity in his eyes, and determination. This was not Tatarasuna. He would not be tricked, and he would not trick anyone. If he was to bear another sin, then he would bear it knowingly and willingly. ]

My name is Yuu. Let me have your heart and your blood, [ he says to both, reciting a line from the script ] so that I might become human, and fulfill my dreams of marrying the princess.

[Kaveh pulls him back in. Alhaitham sinks into the gesture without shame. His hands slide down to Kaveh's shoulders when it breaks, faces the burning determination in them, and then lets go. Alhaitham turns in much the same way to Hat Guy's resolve. They have all, he thinks, prepared to spite the pain they will shoulder.

The dagger is already in hand. Alhaitham turns to face Hat Guy--Yuu fully.

Every part of him cools, like the stagnant morning sea, and he recites from the script:] You were as much life as we could create with our hands, and your journey has given you more than we could. If the last thing I can do is offer my blood for your future then I'll give it to you.

[ yuu, the young man says. kaveh thinks, they are being granted something that neither of them perhaps deserves. a key to a lock. a piece of a soul. kaveh's heart aches. it's this city, the way it takes everything sacred to one another, and drags it out in the open. the mortifying ordeal of being known, but one that has been forced open by the dredges of acceptability. kaveh won't accept it. he cannot. but this is a name that has been offered, and kaveh thinks -

it's a lovely name.

kaveh lowers his head. he says, in turn: ]

You were as much love as we could create with our hands, and your journey has prepared you to hold it in your hands. If the last thing I can do is offer my heart for your love, then I'll give it to you.

[ kaveh looks to the knife. he looks to alhaitham, and then to the wanderer.

the briefest, rueful tug of his lips: ] ... may I ask for help in that regard, however? I ask one of you to take on the most bitter of tasks. I am sorry.

[Alhaitham's gaze follows the intent of Kaveh's. To the knife. Back to Kaveh. To Yuu.

He understands. But Yuu, holding that knife, understood as well before Kaveh even had to ask.]

[ He feels the tears prickle at the edge of his eyes again. These lines—they're just part of the fairy tale's script, but. They're words of love, which he so dearly misses from his families long past. But he can't break down again, so he takes a shuddering breath and holds it in.

He looks at Kaveh for a moment before turning his gaze to Alhaitham. And there, he sees the answer in the stiffness of his shoulders and the way that he is far too still to be natural. He sees a quiet plea in the man's eyes, and he knows that he must do this to spare Alhaitham of any more pain.

So the puppet steps forward. ]

I will. It's only fitting that I do it.

[ kaveh smiles. the smile is an apology; the smile is regret; the smile is rue. the smile is all these things - but above all else, the smile is gratitude. kaveh's hand, which has found its way to alhaitham's, gives him a squeeze. the squeeze is fierce. ]

Thank you. [ and what kaveh means is this: thank you, for allowing him to give his heart. thank you, for taking on the burden of taking it. thank you, for shielding alhaitham one last time.

then, kaveh lets alhaitham's hand go. he collects himself to kneel before the puppet. kaveh lowers his head. ] I am yours.

[Alhaitham grips Kaveh's hand in both of his. He squeezes just as tight. He meets Kaveh's eyes with the sharp edge of his own.

It's the hardest thing, letting go.

But Alhaitham lets go. He closes his eyes and turns his head just so away from the scene. His breath counts in steady fours. To expect something is to be able to prepare for it. To be able to mitigate the consequences of it.]

Edited 2023-12-12 06:08 (UTC)

[ He waits as the two of them compose themselves. As Alhaitham turns his face away. As Kaveh kneels before him, like a worshipper awaiting judgement from his god. But he is not a god, and he does not want to pass judgement.

He kneels in front of Kaveh, observing him for a moment. He is a beautiful man, and like this, he is almost too pure for the puppet to bear touching. But he does anyway, raising his free hand to ghost over Kaveh's cheek, almost too lightly for the other to feel.

He has never wanted for physical touch before, but there is something that calls for a connection to the man before him, and what can be closer than touch? At first, his hand settles against Kaveh's shoulder, trembling only slightly. But then he pulls Kaveh forward into an embrace, wrapping both of his arms around the man. ]

Thank you. [ he whispers into Kaveh's ear ] It'll only hurt a little bit.

[ And he plunges the dagger he holds into the back of Kaveh's neck. ]

[ the young man pulls kaveh into his arms.

he is warm. it's almost silly to mention it, but he's warm. of course he is. the only person, kaveh thinks, that doesn't believe in the inherent humanity of this man is himself. kaveh has walked through the metaphors of his life. he's knelt and given his heart. but what has stood out amongst the vicissitudes of giving and receiving and taking and all the little ebb and flow of a churning, living sea is the warmth of the young man's hands.

kaveh holds him there. he wonders if he knows he is as warm as this, as a brimming little star in motion.

he is glad that this is the thought upon which the world ends. ]

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