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[ Ah, shit. That was definitely not what he wanted to happen. He really has to be careful what he says, and thankfully it seems Altria isn't too worse for wear.

But the way she attacks the queen is not entirely what he expected, and he just watches incredulously as the evil queen fends her off with magic barriers and spells.

Said under his breath: ]

Aren't you supposed to fight her with magic...? [ And now, louder, and with a slightly sarcastic lilt: ] Oh brave knight, defeat her with your magic!

[She is supposed to fight her with magic, yes. Altria's staff hits the queen's barriers not-at-all-satisfyingly, and she's fended off, stumbling back a little, flushing red.]

R-right, magecraft! I can... I can do that! She just really, really was pissing me off, so I--

[Yeah we all get it, Altria. She clears her throat, lifts her staff, and focuses.]

O evil queen, your reign of terror is over!

[Later, Altria would not be able to say what kind of magic she casts. It's whatever the story requires, and the fairy tale does not go into details.

What matters is it's a blast of very powerful magic, and for the first time, the queen is knocked back--which loosens Wanderer's magical bindings as well.]

[ With the bindings loosened, it's no trouble for him to break out of it. But he still can't help Altria in battle, because that isn't his role in the fairy tale. The bindings had only been a punishment for his misbehaviour.

He stands, about to cross his arms in a manner that doesn't befit the helpless princess he's supposed to be—but, right, he still has a role to play. Instead, he clasps his hands together and faces the queen.

This time, at least, his lines aren't to cry for help. Even if he can't be as vitriolic as he'd like, he can still express what he wants to on some level. ]

Begone, evil queen! Never again will you cast a shadow upon this kingdom!

[ And he looks to Altria to land the final blow. ]

[And the final blow she'll do, gladly; she grasps her staff in both hands, takes in a deep breath, and swings what's basically a blast of pure magical energy the evil queen's way. She shrieks when it connects, tossing her back properly into a heap that lay on the floor, unmoving, and Altria takes a deep breath in, before she finally lowers her staff.

She stares at the evil queen for a long moment, almost contemplative--and then she snaps back to herself, hastily turning towards Wanderer and hurrying to his side.]

Are you okay? That asshole didn't hurt you, right? [Language.]

[ It is incredibly satisfying to hear the queen shriek in agony and them crumple to the floor, never to move again. It also signals the near end of the fairy tale, though there were still a few cheesy lines they had to recite before they would truly be let go.

Still, the wicked grin that sits on his face is hard to miss, and it widens as Altria swears. It's kind of endearing to hear that kind of language from her. ]

Swearing doesn't suit you, o brave, righteous knight.

Huh...?

[The script, Altria, the script!! They've almost made it!]

O-oh, right!

[Ahem. Altria aims for an elegant bow, and mooostly pulls it off, offering Wanderer her hand.]

I'm relieved to see that you are safe, princess. Please, allow me to escort you back to your kingdom.

[ When he focuses just on Altria and not himself, he can almost find her acting endearing. But her words remind him of his own role and he just frowns instead.

Also because the next line is embarrassing and he definitely doesn't want to say it. But since when has this fairy tale cared about his dignity anyway?

With some hesitation, he puts his hand in Altria's and looks away. ]

...Thank you, brave knight. For saving me, and this kingdom. You may ask for anything you'd like, as a reward.

[ Because as all fairy tales do, the brave knight must be rewarded with someone. Not something, but someone. ]

[Oh. Right. This part. She glossed over this part when glancing over the script initially, since the beginning of this story was so fast paced.

But now here they are... and this is...

This is...

So goddamn embarrassing!]

Th-th-then...

[Wheeze. Deep breath in. Deep breath out.]

Then...! [Come on, Altria, just spit it out and then you guys can escape the story.]

I-i-if it pleases you, princess... I would like t-to... [aaaaAAAAAAAA

and then, in a rush, as if an exhaling balloon:]

toaskyourhandinmarriage.

[ Altria fumbles through the delivery of the lines so badly that he can't help but break character and laugh. It makes the final line a lot easier to say as a desire to tease her overrides his own embarrassment, and he pulls her hand—flips it over so the back of her gloved hand is the one exposed and presses a kiss to it. His voice is low and flirtatious as he speaks. ]

I gladly accept, my dear, brave knight.

[ And he waits for the reaction. ]

[How dare he.

He's doing this on purpose.

She goes through a roulette of emotions, ping-ponging rapidly between panic and embarrassment and pissiness and back again, because he was the one who was embarrassed and now he's the one being suave and it's not fair because she knows he's teasing her.

He has her hand. He's brushing his lips against the back of it. And thank goodness she's wearing gloves, or she's pretty sure she'd implode.

She wants to yell. But all of this work will be for nothing if they fail to finish the story at this point, and so she remains as still as she can, and fumbles for the line.

Her face says everything she can't put to words right now though.]

That's. Wonderful. I'm so. Happy.

[Wheeze. She takes his hand and squeezes it hard.]

Shall we go. My princess.

[ And in turn, he has a wicked grin on his face as he tries not to laugh at the expression on her face. She is just too easy to rile up.

She squeezes his hand hard but he hardly feels it. He squeezes back, not nearly as hard, just to tease. And the playfulness is still evident in his words. ]

Let us depart, my knight.

[ Aannnd they're done! Finally. They have a few moments now to talk before they're whisked off again, but—he snickers at her. ]

You should see the look on your face.

[And then they're released, and Altria's shoulders slump as she groans, head hanging. Honestly, how does it always end up like this? He's the one wearing a dress, and she's the one embarrassed in the end!]

W-well! It just means I have a pure, maidenly heart! [HUFF!!]

What about you, huh? How come you were able to say those lines so easily?

[ Because she flusters too easily, and he's got a sadistic streak. People like Altria are fun to rile up.

He snorts. Pure maidenly heart. He doesn't disagree necessarily, but he doesn't think she quite matches the stereotype of a pure maiden. Especially with the way she likes to fight. Very physical and lacking elegance. ]

You could say I know a thing or two about acting. [ says the guy who was very bad at it initially. But he feigns nonchalance here. ] Besides, [ lowering his voice here ] I wouldn't mind playing princess for a brave, powerful knight like you.

[ Is he teasing her again by being flirtatious? Yes, yes he is. ]

[ [internal teakettle noises]

For whatever reason, she's not expecting him to buckle down on the flirting, even though she's just shown that it's an easy way to rile her up.

He's just teasing her. He's just--

But...

It's so--]

[It's kind of nice though.

Being called brave, being called powerful, being flirted with like this, even though she knows better, and it's just him teasing her anyway--]

[He's just goddamn teasing her--!]

And you're the worst princess in the world! Let's go! I want to get out of this stupid story! And I won't forgive you for being prettier than me, either!

[ He laughs again, it's really too fun to poke at her. ]

Am I now? What a shame. But I'm flattered you find me attractive, my dear knight.

[ He's very much not sorry. ]

[OF COURSE HE'S NOT SORRY.

Of course he just rolls with it!

Of course she feels like she's going to scream!

Gghghjfmkmasd!!!!!

She stands there for a moment, looking for the words to clap back and finding nothing that he won't just turn back on her--

--so instead she reaches out with both hands to try to ruffle up his hair. Childishly.]

[ He's not expecting the physical contact at all—no one has ever tried to reach out to him without killing intent—so her mark lands and he squawks in surprise as she makes a mess of his hair. ]

Hey! What do you think you're doing!? Stop that!

[ He reaches up to grab her hands and push them off, looking indignant. ]

[He succeeds in shoving her hands off, but the damage has been done, and she looks perfectly victorious, like the gremlin she is.]

There! That's for trying to be suave just to make me all flustered!

What are you, a petty child??

[ But it's kind of—it's kind of funny, actually, how triumphant she looks from doing something so inconsequential and he tries not to grin at her silly delight.

He might be failing to hide it, so he turns around and crosses his arms in a huff. ]

Maybe you should make it harder to fluster you.

[ The smile might be evident in his voice anyway. ]

Edited 2023-12-06 04:23 (UTC)

Well, excuse me for being flustered by such a weird and unexpected situation!

[But he doesn't sound bothered, and honestly? For all of her fuss, she doesn't either.]

[She's smiling a little too, despite herself.

.. Ha.]

... Anyway.

This means we can make it out of the story now, right?

Yeah. It's time to go.

[ The door out of the throne is their exit. After smoothing his hair down a bit, he takes a step forward towards it and looks back at Altria. ]

See you on the other side.

[ At the end of this chain of fairy tales... well, it's not a happy one for the Wanderer, unfortunately. ]

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