[ Nikolai smiles, charmed by Brook's dismissal of manners. He can't help it; there's something appealing about that attitude to him. Most of the time, Nikolai is hyper-aware of etiquette and hierarchies, how he is expected to behave, how he is being perceived. It's second nature to him by this point. So he can't help but be drawn to the sort of people who scoff at the lot of it. Zoya was like that, and Nikolai is sure it's one of the reasons they'd become such fast friends. ]
What did you try with her? If you don't mind my asking.
[ After all, 'didn't go so well' could mean any number of things. Nikolai needs a little more information before he can say whether the approach was at fault or not.
When Brook asks what he needs help with, the smile slips from Nikolai's face. He chews at the inside of his cheek, weighing his words. If Brook is going to help him, he should be honest. But that doesn't make it easy. ]
Control. I need help with control. You said you've never lost control of your demon... I've never had any.
[ Nikolai gives a small shrug, looking away from Brook. It's so hard to know where to begin, when the whole thing is such a tangle in his mind. Each thread of it is so wrapped up with other threads, other stories, the context around his affliction a complicated knot snarled tight. ]
For me, it wasn't a choice. It was... intended as torture. I would've been able to bear just- physical harm. So instead, I got this. And I need to figure out some way to keep it at bay. But there was never anyone I could ask.
no subject
What did you try with her? If you don't mind my asking.
[ After all, 'didn't go so well' could mean any number of things. Nikolai needs a little more information before he can say whether the approach was at fault or not.
When Brook asks what he needs help with, the smile slips from Nikolai's face. He chews at the inside of his cheek, weighing his words. If Brook is going to help him, he should be honest. But that doesn't make it easy. ]
Control. I need help with control. You said you've never lost control of your demon... I've never had any.
[ Nikolai gives a small shrug, looking away from Brook. It's so hard to know where to begin, when the whole thing is such a tangle in his mind. Each thread of it is so wrapped up with other threads, other stories, the context around his affliction a complicated knot snarled tight. ]
For me, it wasn't a choice. It was... intended as torture. I would've been able to bear just- physical harm. So instead, I got this. And I need to figure out some way to keep it at bay. But there was never anyone I could ask.