[ Nikolai's stomach twists unpleasantly; it's not that he has a problem with being dangerous. He'd been dangerous long before the merzost took hold in him. He had killed - in the army and later as a privateer. But those were choices that he'd made. Nikolai had been in control. He'd taken lives in combat because he knew he was fighting for his country and for a brighter future. But now he is dangerous like a rabid dog. There's no purpose or sense to it, no choice.
He keeps his voice steady with effort, forcing himself to look up and meet Onni's pale blue eyes. ]
I don't want to hurt anyone. And although I'm confident we can find some way to neutralize the threat, I want you to know that... if it all fails. If things go so badly that there's truly no other option, I'd rather be put down than prey on innocent people.
[ His jaw is set, a hardness in his expression that hasn't been there up until this point. Nikolai doesn't want to die. He needs to make it back home. There are so many people relying on him. But he would rather be dead than trapped as the monster again. And Onni seems like a good option, to trust as his fail-safe. ]
That sounds like a plan of action. I'll confess, when you first told me your magic is weakened, here, I hoped... but there's only one way to find out.
[ For all he knows, there will be some sick twist of fate and the monster will be twice as strong here as it was back home. No way of knowing in advance. Nikolai hates how little he understands his own affliction. If only it were something he could study and analyze, perhaps it wouldn't terrify him so much. But all logic and experimental process seems to go out the window, when it comes to his uninvited guest.
Speaking of windows... ]
Something to make me sleep deeply, and chains, and a room with no windows.
[ Grimacing, Nikolai shrugs and admits: ]
The monster has wings and no compunctions about a little broken glass. Even though I'm the one who wakes up to all the cuts.
[ It's scary for Nikolai, too. He doesn't see any alternative, but even so... this is a man he met only a short time ago. A total stranger to him. And he's telling this man information that he has worked desperately to keep secret for years, and asking him to chain him up and leave him completely defenseless overnight. It would be so easy for Onni to just kill him once he's bound. Or to forget him and leave him like that. Or- who even knows what other nightmare scenario.
At home, it had at least been his own bedroom, in his own palace. It had been Zoya who came every night and every morning to lock him up. They had known each other for years, had fought together in the civil war. She was his trusted general, his second in command. Onni seems like a good and generous man... but people can seem to be so many things they are not.
His voice is tinged with regret as he goes on speaking: ]
I know I'm putting a lot on you by asking for this, Onni. This doesn't have to be a permanent arrangement. Just... until I get my bearings here.
no subject
He keeps his voice steady with effort, forcing himself to look up and meet Onni's pale blue eyes. ]
I don't want to hurt anyone. And although I'm confident we can find some way to neutralize the threat, I want you to know that... if it all fails. If things go so badly that there's truly no other option, I'd rather be put down than prey on innocent people.
[ His jaw is set, a hardness in his expression that hasn't been there up until this point. Nikolai doesn't want to die. He needs to make it back home. There are so many people relying on him. But he would rather be dead than trapped as the monster again. And Onni seems like a good option, to trust as his fail-safe. ]
That sounds like a plan of action. I'll confess, when you first told me your magic is weakened, here, I hoped... but there's only one way to find out.
[ For all he knows, there will be some sick twist of fate and the monster will be twice as strong here as it was back home. No way of knowing in advance. Nikolai hates how little he understands his own affliction. If only it were something he could study and analyze, perhaps it wouldn't terrify him so much. But all logic and experimental process seems to go out the window, when it comes to his uninvited guest.
Speaking of windows... ]
Something to make me sleep deeply, and chains, and a room with no windows.
[ Grimacing, Nikolai shrugs and admits: ]
The monster has wings and no compunctions about a little broken glass. Even though I'm the one who wakes up to all the cuts.
[ It's scary for Nikolai, too. He doesn't see any alternative, but even so... this is a man he met only a short time ago. A total stranger to him. And he's telling this man information that he has worked desperately to keep secret for years, and asking him to chain him up and leave him completely defenseless overnight. It would be so easy for Onni to just kill him once he's bound. Or to forget him and leave him like that. Or- who even knows what other nightmare scenario.
At home, it had at least been his own bedroom, in his own palace. It had been Zoya who came every night and every morning to lock him up. They had known each other for years, had fought together in the civil war. She was his trusted general, his second in command. Onni seems like a good and generous man... but people can seem to be so many things they are not.
His voice is tinged with regret as he goes on speaking: ]
I know I'm putting a lot on you by asking for this, Onni. This doesn't have to be a permanent arrangement. Just... until I get my bearings here.