[ To Nikolai, it is all too clear that he cannot lie - by omission or otherwise - about his affliction. The worst possible consequence of hiding that he's a king from Onni is that Onni's feelings might be hurt. The worst possible consequence of being untruthful about the monster is too terrible to contemplate. But knowing that he must tell the truth doesn't make it any easier.
Nikolai is silent for a long time, bottom lip drawn between his teeth. He turns over the words in his mind. What he needs to say, what can be left out. How to make Onni understand that he is very dangerous in a way that won't get him killed on the spot. ]
It's a very long story. I'm not going to bore you with most of it.
[ He sets down the shiny bag and holds his hand out, fingers splayed. Nikolai turns it over in the air, looking at the scars running from his fingertips up over his knuckles and along his hand, up to the wrist. ]
A few years ago, I was infected with living darkness. It made me into a monster. I was... mindless. I could barely think or remember who I was. And it made me. Hungry.
[ Nikolai swallows, but keeps talking, merciless to himself. He ignores the crawling horror that leaves him breathless and shaky whenever he thinks about that period of his life. He can't afford the luxury of not wanting to talk about it. ]
For people, specifically. I tried to control it, but- I don't remember that time very well.
[ He isn't sure what he might have done, during that period. How many people he could have killed, and eaten. Nikolai forces himself to breathe out, slowly, eyes still locked on his scarred hands. ]
When... the person who did this to me died, I became human again. I thought I was cured. But a few months ago, the monster started coming back when I went to sleep. At first it was only every few weeks, then every week. It's every night, now. It only lasts until I wake up. But-
[ Nikolai breaks off with a desperate sort of swallowed laugh: ]
I can't be awake forever. Back home, I had a system. I had a sleeping tonic to make the monster sluggish, and steel chains to keep me in my bed, and- and a friend who would come back every morning and to let me free.
cw: cannibalism
Nikolai is silent for a long time, bottom lip drawn between his teeth. He turns over the words in his mind. What he needs to say, what can be left out. How to make Onni understand that he is very dangerous in a way that won't get him killed on the spot. ]
It's a very long story. I'm not going to bore you with most of it.
[ He sets down the shiny bag and holds his hand out, fingers splayed. Nikolai turns it over in the air, looking at the scars running from his fingertips up over his knuckles and along his hand, up to the wrist. ]
A few years ago, I was infected with living darkness. It made me into a monster. I was... mindless. I could barely think or remember who I was. And it made me. Hungry.
[ Nikolai swallows, but keeps talking, merciless to himself. He ignores the crawling horror that leaves him breathless and shaky whenever he thinks about that period of his life. He can't afford the luxury of not wanting to talk about it. ]
For people, specifically. I tried to control it, but- I don't remember that time very well.
[ He isn't sure what he might have done, during that period. How many people he could have killed, and eaten. Nikolai forces himself to breathe out, slowly, eyes still locked on his scarred hands. ]
When... the person who did this to me died, I became human again. I thought I was cured. But a few months ago, the monster started coming back when I went to sleep. At first it was only every few weeks, then every week. It's every night, now. It only lasts until I wake up. But-
[ Nikolai breaks off with a desperate sort of swallowed laugh: ]
I can't be awake forever. Back home, I had a system. I had a sleeping tonic to make the monster sluggish, and steel chains to keep me in my bed, and- and a friend who would come back every morning and to let me free.