citylogs | [ semi-open ] your faith walks on broken glass

[All those voices he hears, was this really what Shinjiro was truly thinking? Ken had long gotten over his hate for his teammate but he never realized it was to this extent. Biting his bottom lip, it hurt. It hurts a lot knowing how much pain Shinjiro was in. Especially now that he could see his side of things.

Immediately, he rushes over to his side once he smashes the pot.]

What if I want to?

[And yet, he also couldn't help but hear a few whispers himself from the plants.]

Let's get out of here, the both of us.

[What makes you think he'll take it? What makes you think he forgives you? one whispers. As they whisper such words, Ken couldn't help but wince a little.]

[What if he wants to, huh. Shinjiro can't imagine why. He already doesn't understand the kid not hating him anymore, but he especially doesn't understand this. Dealing with him and his bullshit on this day, of all days? It doesn't make sense.

He's about to say not like I can stop you, I guess when the kid switches tracks and suggests they both leave instead, and he...feels even less sure how to deal with that. It's one thing to pretend that it's not weird to hang out like normal on other days, but ...

He sighs, scrubbing at his face. It'd be shitty of him to make the kid be the one to have to coax him out of here, when the plants aren't wrong about why he hasn't been able to bring himself to leave.]

Yeah, let's go.

[Amada's wasting his time, another taunts, right between them both, It's obvious he'll just be back later.

Shinjiro grits his teeth, stamping on the offending plant as he keeps walking, even as it continues to jeer.]

Edited 2023-10-10 00:33 (UTC)

[It was getting harder to Shinjiro to stay here. Trying his best to ignore the comments, he gestured him toward the entrance. And yet, Ken had to admit, it was getting difficult for himself as well hearing all those words. He wasn't wasting his time, he knew that Shinjiro was suffering and that he needed some help. It was hard as he wished to say something to them.

But he knows it's no use.

He's lying, he's waiting for the right moment to attack him. One said before giggling. It's only a matter of time!

Or perhaps he's just taking it slow, that's the best way to get revenge! Another said.]

...Let's hurry, I think the both of us need it.

[He said rather forcibly before giving a long sigh. With each passing second, it was getting more frustrating to not shout and say something. There was only so much he could do and this seemed to be the only option.]

I'll go with you whenever you are ready.

[Shinjiro's not even sure who these last flowers are taunting with that one. If it's supposed to be him, joke's on the damn flowers, honestly. He's not afraid of the kid taking his revenge any more now than he was back then. And if it's Amada's insecurities they're coming at...

Well. Oddly, he's almost a little offended? There's plenty of reason, in his opinion, to hate him, but the notion that he would ever even consider harming Amada is absurd to him. He'd die first--he did die first, and he had no regrets about that. Really, the only thing he resents now is that things didn't end there.

I'll go with you whenever you're ready, Amada says, and now Shinjiro can't help but hesitate. It had come up the day Amada had arrived, too, but maybe the kid's buried his resentment in his own guilt and projected it onto him.]

You don't gotta do this, you know. Try to convince yourself you're okay with me, or like you owe me shit because I died. I told you already, takin' that bullet's the only good thing I ever did with my life. I've got no regrets about that.

[It's true!, chitters the nearest flower. He only wants to hurt himself. The more others are kind to him, the worse it gets!]

...Fuck this. C'mon.

[Whether or not they talk, or just give each other space or walk away for good, he can't deal with it in here, with Amada hearing every word.]

I’m not doing this because I feel like I owe you anything.

[He said almost immediately. He didn't mean to, but he just blurted it out without thinking because it was true. Ken knows that Shinjiro would probably feel guilty knowing how kind he was being to him. While there was a part of him was aware that he was doing it because he felt guilty for what Shinjiro did. However, he wondered if what he'll say next really upset him. Either way, he knows he has to be honest.

As he took a deep breath in, he was prepared for any kind of backlash.]

I'm doing this because you're my friend.

[A part of Ken does see Shinjiro as his mother's killer but it was an accident. Nothing more and nothing less. Still, hearing those words from the plants, he just wonders what they'll say upon hearing them.

Either way, he takes a step forward before looking back at him.]

Edited 2023-10-11 17:48 (UTC)

[He openly flinches. Whatever he may or may not have had to say to the first part is lost to static and white noise at the second. There's a temptation to lash out, to throw the flowers' words in his face--you usually assume your friends are out to kill you?--to run away.

He doesn't do either of those, just freezes in place, stock still like a statue, back still turned from when he'd made to leave the greenhouse. The only signs of life are the harsh but steady pace of his breathing, and the clenching of his nails against his palm -- hard enough to draw a few drops of blood that drip onto the path.]

Don't be stupid. We don't even know each other. And I ain't worth knowin', anyway.

Edited 2023-10-12 21:56 (UTC)

But what if I do? What if I do want to get to know you better?

[Which was an odd statement considering what Shinjiro had been through. Was he going to say something or would he keep on rejecting him? Hopefully not but he can't keep thinking about it as he continued to walk out of the forest.

With the flowers whispering how he shouldn't be doing this or how he should just leave him be, he didn't know what to think about it. All he could do was hope that Shinjiro wouldn't think too much about it.]

Edited 2023-10-13 15:46 (UTC)

[He grits his teeth, frustrated. It wasn't supposed to be like this. He was supposed to have died, been a closed chapter in the kid's life. A story about rising above adversity or some shit, a buried footnote, never a real person that particularly mattered.

His eyes shut, fists clenching tighter against his fists. Another drip of blood against the plants. At length:]

Why?

[As he tried to say something, he should see the frustration on Shinjiro's face. He had a feeling this would happen. As he debated if he should continue with this, it was too late to back out now. Not when he already gone this far.]

Because I want to get to know you better. You don't have to agree but...

[He trailed off a little before looking the other way.]

I think it's the least I can do, right?

Edited 2023-10-14 14:48 (UTC)

[Tch. This kid...he wonders if Amada even notices how he's contradicting himself. Saying it's not that he feels like he owes Shinjiro anything and then turning around and saying befriending him is the least he can do.

He lets out a breath that's edging on ragged; this conversation is wearing on him, but it's not one he feels he can walk away from.]

Don't you get it, kid? There's no least to it. You don't need to do shit.

[...

Something clicks at the back of his mind, suddenly. Maybe he's been looking at this wrong from the start.]

It ain't on you to be friends with me because the others ain't here, if that's what this is about. I'd kick Aki's ass if he ever asked you to make an effort for me.

No, he didn't, it's me that's making the effort. No one said anything at all.

[Which wasn't the complete truth. While the others might not have said anything, he could tell that they like him to try and make amends with Shinjiro should the day come. Not that they needed to ask as Ken was fully prepared to meet him again at some point in the afterlife.

But it seems that life at different plans.]

I...you don't have to accept it but I thought I should let you know.

[Because he can't deny that there was a hint of guilt under it all. If Shinjiro saved his life, the least he could do was try to get to know him better and try to make things easier for the both of them somehow.]

Tch, obviously. Can't exactly tell someone to make friends with a corpse.

[He can't help that light bit of impatience. He's trying to make a point here, alright!!]

I meant if he came here, he'd have no right to ask it of you, so if you're doin' this because it's what you think he'd want...there's no need for it.

[He hates this. The idea of talking about any of it freaks him out. Things were so much easier when Amada just wanted him dead.]

That doesn't mean I ain't still gonna have your back. We're still SEES, and I decided a long time ago my life'd be yours if you ever wanted it. But shit like this -- [he gestures, vaguely, to the whispering flowers] doesn't need to be your problem. You don't gotta feel like you need to care about me for us to still be teammates.

Edited 2023-10-14 20:51 (UTC)

[Hearing a 'corpse' talk made Ken wince at his words. It just reminded him of what Shinjiro did for him and how much he regretted his actions. He really wanted to get to know him, he spent so much of his time thinking of revenge that he never truly understood him.

As much as he wanted to argue against what he might believe in, he couldn't. Not when he was just so insist on rejecting how much he truly cares about him.]

...I'm guessing you're going to keep on being stubborn no matter how hard I try.

[Which he can't blame him, not when things are just so rocky between them right now. With a sigh, he crossed his arms before moving forward.]

Just know that if you need anything, I'll help out okay? I'll have your back too.

[Although, with the say he was saying it, it almost felt as if he wouldn't mind risking his life again for him.]

[He still can't understand why Amada wants to try so hard, though. Every time he tries to ask, he just gets another answer that sounds like obligation or guilt, and no matter how hard he tries, he can't seem to convince the kid that neither of those things should apply with him.

It hurts. He's tired. He sighs.]

...You don't need to. But I guess I can't convince you not to, either.

[Because stubborn is as stubborn does. If he was just as unyielding, so was he. Not after everything he been through, he couldn't allow himself to falter with his decisions. One wrong move and things would fall apart. This was no different as he gave a nod.]

Not really, I already made up my mind to keep trying to know you again and that I hope I can.

[While he knew he was posing his will on his teammate, he also knew was being selfish. However, if he wasn't being honest, he would regret it later.]

[It's not the answer he wants to hear, of course, but he's gotten worn out from this conversation, and ultimately relents slightly, if only to give himself space to retreat and lick his own wounds in private later.]

Mm. Guess we'll see how it goes.

[He breathes out an exhale to steady himself, then finally turns to the kid again.]

Ready to head back?

[ semi-open ] your faith walks on broken glass

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