[ open ] kaveh's permanent catch-all

[fussiest]

WHO: kaveh (fussiest) & y'all!
WHAT: this is a perpetual catch-all for kaveh because i'm too lazy to make a new one every month. this is for closed starters, tag-ins, visits to kaveh's workshop and the like! be wild! be bold! be free!
WHERE: all around the city, and especially at kaveh's workshop, the pairidaeza architectural design studio in district 1
WHEN: everywhere! everywhen! all at once!
WARNINGS: bickering, probably - everything else will be warned for on a thread-by-thread basis

Comments

[immortalpoet]

[NOT THE DRINK.]

Do you do this to all people, or are you just mean to me in particular.

[fussiest]

[ NOW IT'S TWO DRINKS. ]

When you see a man who so evidently can't take care of himself, don't you also get the impetus to shove food his way? If it makes you feel any better, though, I find Daan equally offensive regarding his ability to take care of himself. [ ah, that's a good idea. kaveh fishes out a container, and then a water bottle so he can wash his hands. the container is cracked open. he begins to put together a sandwich. ] You'll have a sandwich now, and I'll send you back with another one for Daan. I suspect if you haven't eaten, neither has he.

[immortalpoet]

[NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

No, I don't, actually.

[He's sincere about that.]

[And......................he's really making a sandwich. He really is. Here and now.]

You do realize we're adult men, right?

[fussiest]

Well, yes. But even adult men can be hopeless.

[immortalpoet]

Such astounding faith you have in us. Truly. We've survived this long without your help.

[fussiest]

I know, I know. And you will long after I've passed on from this mortal coil. But it doesn't cost me to care and bully you a little, and it gets you some better food in the end. If nothing matters, then it's little things like these that matter.

And put it all aside, it makes me feel better that I'm doing this. So let me, hm?

[immortalpoet]

...

[He actually has to stand here and think for a long moment. he doesn't know what to feel. What does it mean, that it makes Kaveh feel better?]

[He finally speaks, voice quiet:]

I haven't even done anything for you.

[fussiest]

[ kaveh looks. ]

Why would I ever want you to do something for me? [ ... with a little smile: ] Continue to do what you do for Daan. Shouldn't that take up all your time?

[immortalpoet]

[He opens his mouth with a million answers.]

[Because that is how the world works. Because no one does anything for free, not really. Everyone is selfish in the world. So are you. So am I. Kindness where I come from always comes with strings attached. Good hearts never survive. They only get twisted.]

[He doesn't say any of it, a little helpless.]

...I'm not used to it. [He finally says.] And...perhaps. Sometimes I still struggle to understand what I do for Daan.

[Of course, he has a sense, but he's never experienced this level of devotion. It confounds him even now.]

[fussiest]

[ kaveh's smile softens around its edges. it had been like this for don, he thinks, to have to confront the care of others in a way that made sense to her. it had been like this for daan, to see what he has earned and taken back for himself despite what he had gone through. kaveh can only guess at what vergilius has been through himself. even his guesses would be wrong. but the aftermath is something that vergilius is living through, and kaveh knows that well - the arduous journey of being allowed things when so little ought to be.

he breathes out. ]

Well, it ought to be a struggle. Struggling is how we make sense of the world. If everything is always clear, then it comes too easily, and I think we should always be a little suspicious when decisions come too easily, because it means we might've missed something. You struggle for Daan because you've chosen to; just the fact that you are means something.

[ kaveh looks. ] You love him, right?

[immortalpoet]

...

[So the act of struggling means something, huh? It's true. If it came far too easily it would be suspect. Both of them are struggling, but in a way where they're able to reach out and keep the other's head above water.]

[The question, so direct, makes him twist his mouth to the side - admittedly, a little embarrassed to be called out so bluntly. Time to lean on the classic sarcasm to cover sincerity!!!]

...I'd like to see him launched out a window on a good day.

[So. Yes.]

[fussiest]

[ kaveh laughs. ]

So long as you're in a position to rush down and catch him as he's falling out, I'd imagine.

[ but it settles something for kaveh, as it always does when emotions are in the equation. vergilius is a rough man, but he is true. he'll treat daan well. ]

Then, it's simple, isn't it? Persevere and do what it is you do for Daan until you understand it.

[immortalpoet]

...You make it sound so simple.

[As if anything good could be. Anything bad comes easy. Anything good must be kept out of reach.]

[It's how it's always been.]

And what if I never do?

[fussiest]

How is persevering simple? [ kaveh smiles. the smile is a self-deprecating one. kaveh had killed his father, and he had watched his mother waste away. this is what he has learned from it all: ] Perseverance is the refuge of the talentless and the desperate. It's what you do when you have nothing else to you and nothing left to lose save for that one thing. Persevering is the knowledge that you don't know where this path will lead to and when it will end, if ever, but that you still must walk it because the alternative is not walking it, and that isn't acceptable.

[ soft as dust: ] It is the recognition that you might not be enough, and are most certainly not enough in this moment, but you have to do it anyway, because there is something you love more than how much you hate yourself. So what if you never do? Even if you never do, the only thing you expend is yourself, right? So what loss is there? You might as well try.