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( closed ) the only ones who need love are the ones who don't receive enough

WHO: roland and certain people
WHAT: roland came back after disappearing mysterious and realized some really bad things. plotting comment for reference.
WHERE: the garden
WHEN: around the middle of the month, before the event
WARNINGS: body horror, violence, talks about murder and other nihilistic shit. also major project moon spoilers. see his opt-out for more info.

[ roland emerged out of the darkness like a dream.

or rather, he stumbles into the relatively new location as if he woke up from a horrible nightmare, clutching at his head as he makes his way towards the tea-party setup. this was the last place he'd remembered before vanishing, but the details were foggy. he wasn't even aware how long it's been. all he knew was that he met someone terrible who gave him equally terrible news, but he's used to disappointments -- even more so in this desolate imitation of a city.

someone had left green tea on the table, still hot. binah had told him that green tea is good for him, so he may as well take the load off and hope that the drink will clear his mind, and make him forget the bad news he'd received from argalia.

ah, yes. argalia is here, angelica's own flesh and blood. angelica had come back wrong, he gleefully. right. totally normal.

...

luckily, this isn't the first time this abnormality has taken over roland. he's used to the way the muscular sinews bloom across his body like a second skin (or even a flesh wound), the multitude of eyes blinking themselves open and roving their pupils around to scan the area. a gnarled leg of a bird sprouts from the top of his head, flexing its digits. his own left arm, meanwhile, has morphed into a bulbous club made of muscle and claw, which he is using to thrash at a nearby flowerbed for speaking out of line. ]

Why is he here... Why. Why. Tell me...

[ "i know why he's here," the half-dead flowers insist. "nothing ever goes my way. this city is out to get me, too."

but just because he's too engrossed in destroying the flowers within reach, it doesn't mean that the bulging eyes won't notice whoever comes into the garden, their unblinking gazes boring into anyone's eyes should anyone stumbles this sorry sight. he is making quite the ruckus, after all. ]

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It's the tea. [ tersely, and it's a good thing she doesn't really wander anywhere without her tire iron, though as she looks at Roland, the familiarity of this Abnormality only makes her clench her teeth a little more tightly together.

It would be better if she had Mimicry, but Gebura has never placed her fighting value just in her ability to use E.G.O. as a weapon or as armor. ]

One of the effects. Angela went through something like it earlier.

[ And now here they are, the flowers choking out their breathy secrets as the Abnormality Formerly Known as Roland goes to town on them.

Gebura sighs quietly, stepping forward. ]

Seriously, Roland? You go missing and make us search all over for you and you come back like this?

Gebura... Chesed.

[ he slowly turns around at the familiar voices, especially at the one he hasn't heard from quite a while now. so much for a reunion with the blue librarian.

"wish chesed were here earlier," say the flowers that haven't been obliterated yet. "maybe i wouldn't be like this if i met him first..." ]

I don't... know where I've been. [ he walks over to them with a limp. Nothing There may have been an ALEPH-class abnormality, but even it's been rendered weak by this city's innate powers. ] But does it really matter...? Nothing matters here. There's just nothing there... Nothing there.

[ Chesed's expression falters for a split second, though it's only visible as his eyes soften for a moment. As suddenly as the expression appears, it's gone. He's confident that both he and Gebura will be able to straighten this out, but the thought that he'd contributed, even unintentionally, to Roland's suffering --

Those feelings are easy to brush off. It's not like he could have arrived here any sooner.

He speaks a bit quieter to Gebura. There's no way to predict how Roland might react to hearing Angela's name. ]

If that's the case, were you able to undo the effects of the tea for her?

[ He glances over at Roland who's drawing nearer to them. There's no telling what he'll do when he gets close enough, but for the moment... perhaps he'll keep his hostile focus on the flowers instead of the two of them. ]

The seeds, in the cabinets by that tea place. Green ones.

Had to subdue her first, partly. The seeds should handle the actual transformation.

[ She keeps her eyes on Roland. Nothing There is a particularly unfortunate Abnormality to have to deal with, for a few reasons. It'd be nice to have Mimicry here... ]

Roland, you're letting it get to you. You know that's not really how it is, right?

[ who knows, maybe gebura can extract the ego from roland. there's no guarantee, though. like how there's nothing guaranteed in this place. nothing, nothing. ]

It wasn't like this... in the City. How can anyone keep their cool at a time like this...

[ "maybe i'm just that bored now. nothing ever happens here. but i don't want to admit that one thing i'm terrified of."

the flowers speak too much, but roland's not going to attack them. it's futile, but the faster he drives away the briah librarians from this place, the better. so he sidesteps around gebura and goes for chesed, his fleshy club of an arm ready to strike. ]

[ Seeds in a cabinet by the tea sets. Okay. Easy enough. ]

Then I'll leave the subduing part to you. Sorry, Gebura.

[ He's not actually that sorry. Between the two of them, it's clear who'll be more successful at it. To strangers, Chesed doesn't look like he's ever lifted a weapon in his life.

But before he can slip away to start searching, it seems Roland's also realized he's the more vulnerable target. Chesed quickly surveys their surroundings, searching for the best escape route. ]

Just to clarify, you said if we die here we come back, right?

[ Not that he intends to allow Roland to kill him, but just to be sure... ]

[ Gebura whips around as soon as he moves past her, angling the tire iron squarely at Roland's side and moving quickly to place herself between him and Chesed. Again.

Somehow this keeps happening with the Librarians this month. ]

Not important right now, because the only one who's going to kill you is me if you make me waste my time keeping you alive!

[ She snaps this out, gaze focused on Roland. ]

And you. Listen, if you're going to spit out any more secrets, I've already heard a ton I'd rather forget. Not like anything ese you can say is going to throw me off at this point.

[ this is why he'd rather attack chesed first. the man has no regard on his own safety, which is ironic for a former head of welfare. but of course, the former head of discipline is here to set both men's heads straight.

"nothing ever throws you off. you red colors are all the same." "i just wanted to vent. no one else will understand where i'm coming from. maybe i haven't learned my lesson after all."

he doesn't want to think too deeply on it at first. he spins around and tries to strike at gebura at another angle, his lack of power compared to their first fight starkly noticeable. ]

[ His own safety and his employees' safety are two different things. As a result, Chesed has no qualms about meeting his demise if it means releasing Roland from this form, but then he'd have to fistfight Gebura upon regenerating.

He doesn't actually want to fistfight Gebura. That's a fight he'd definitely lose. ]

All right, I'm going, I'm going...

[ He spots the tea set situated nearby, and indeed, right there is the cabinet that Gebura alluded to. Chesed glances at Roland who's moving to land a blow on Gebura. Perhaps others would be worried about Gebura trying to fight back against this monstrous form, but Chesed's not concerned at all. He trusts she has the situation under control.

Instead, he beelines straight for the cabinet stuffed with seeds. He opens each drawer, checking its contents: seeds, seeds, and still more seeds, of which none of them at the moment are labeled with green.

The question now becomes: where on earth is the correct seed packet...?

He opens each drawer and surveys its contents before moving to the next one. Gebura can put up quite the fight, but if he doesn't find the correct packet quickly he'll never hear the end of it from her. ]

Edited (i can't read) 2023-10-23 04:10 (UTC)

[ This is almost pitiful. Poor Abnormality/Roland, though it's not like she can't sympathize. She misses her E.G.O and she misses her sword and her saving grace is that Gebura was just strong before all of that happened. She's got experience. She can fight without needing to equip a Page.

But she doesn't really want to draw this out, since Roland can't quite swallow seeds if he's unconscious. She'll have to leave finding the right packet to Chesed, pivoting to avoid Roland's next strike and bringing the tire iron around to aim at his shoulder. ]

You wanna vent? Fine, then vent! Just spit out everything you've been shoving down and that's half the solution right there! You think I haven't heard you out before? I never said I'd ignore what you had to say, you bastard!

[ yep, that's the red mist for you. gebura had always heard him out, even before all this -- they both seem to hang out every time this city brought out a new plaything for its citizens to tinker with, shooting the shit about how they just gotta deal with what this place brings them.

the thing is, roland has had enough with dealing with it here.

so he roars, parrying gebura's makeshift weapon with his club-arm. the giant eye on his shoulder glare at the other color as he attempts to push gebura away so that he can deliver a series of slashes. ]

There's... nothing here! Don't you get it?! How can anyone... not drive themselves mad with nothing to do...

[ "i can be myself in that city, but not here." "no one's else is going to understand why we have to kill to stay alive." ]

[ Chesed's still stuck opening and closing the seed packet drawers. ]

Green... green... hmm... no, no this one is red... here's a blue one... Wings, where is it --

[ Open, close. Open, close. A bit of swearing in between, until finally -- ]

Aha! Yes, yes here's a green seed packet.

[ Chesed peeks inside the packet just to confirm the seeds are also green. After all, it's possible that the designer of the remedy had a sense of unfortunate humor, choosing to place seeds in packets that didn't match at all.

He clutches the green seed packet in his hands and glances over his shoulder. There, he spots Roland attempting to land a series of slashes on Gebura. ]

Gebura, I've got it!

[ He holds the seed packet up. The rest will have to be left to his colleague. ]

Took you long enough!

[ Thanks, Chesed!

She's not looking away from Roland, even as he shoves her back and she can't entirely parry his own series of slashes, getting hit on the shoulder with a low hiss.

Which. Isn't going to thwart her anyway, she's shoving the tire iron straight at his stomach to try and wind him, angling it up for a strike at his chin whether this succeeds or not. She's going to have to subdue him first and foremost. ]

I'm trying to get us out of here! And you, in case you haven't noticed, aren't exactly going through this alone! I get it! So many of us do!

[ the strike lands, and that gets roland to stagger backwards with a painful cry. the eyes that grew on his cheek wince at the hit, shutting themselves shut as roland takes a moment to gather his bearings. ]

It's not enough... There's just nothing to be done. In this world.

[ "why do we try so hard? we've looked in every nook and cranny." "at least... at least we knew our city with the back of our hand. at least our city had things going on." "but i don't want to admit it. i won't."

just the very thought of it drives him in a frenzy, as he grips his head to let out an incoherent yell. ]

[ Chesed hangs back and observes. Trying to interfere would only create more work for Gebura.

He doesn't understand the meaning behind any of Roland's words. Perhaps it is a small mercy to be so new in this City. ...Roland's reaction to it, however, does not bode well. ]

It seems there's been a lot that Roland needed to get off his chest.

[ ...which isn't too different from the events that unfolded in the library, all things considered.

He holds the green seed packet up, waving it at Gebura. It seems Roland's sufficiently distracted at the moment, so -- ]

Gebura, catch!

[ He throws the sealed packet at her, and though it's not the best of overhand throws, surely Gebura will manage. It's Gebura. ]

[ It's Gebura. She manages. It helps that Roland is taking a bit of a break to be despondent or dealing with a headache so she has time to lunge forward to catch the packet in one hand, whirling back as she fumbles it open. ]

Okay. Get it off your chest when you're not in that form, got it? Can't say I miss people eating each other or the Index or anything like that, but for now--

[ Well, she is unceremoniously going to try and grab Roland by the jaw (he doesn't deserve this) to chuck a few seeds into his mouth. ]

[ no, he totally deserves this and so much more. he's forced to swallow down the seeds and his own words, choking on them as their healing properties permeate within him. he roars and yells, struggling in gebura's superhuman hold, until he's reduced to whimpering when he's back to his usual salaryman self.

uh. well. that happened. ]

G-Gebura... Chesed.

[ why is it that every time he undergoes a mental breakdown it's always with these two?! ]

Can you... put me down first? Eugh...

Ah. There you are, Roland.

[ He's not quite sure why the antidote to what [i]looked[/i] like a realization is a mouthful of seeds, but Chesed's seen weirder things. ]

How are you feeling? Gebura here didn't thrash you too hard, did she?

[ He's not fazed at all by Roland's mental breakdown. Same old, same old, really. So much rage pent up in that man's beanpole of a body. ]

[ Gebura does drop him. None-too-gently, because she's exasperated, but it's not like she throws him on the ground. ]

He's fine. I didn't even try to beat him into the ground. Welcome back, Roland.

Why is it always you two...

[ well. at least the two of them are used to it. he's starting to miss tiph for not throwing a punch at him for losing his mind. ]

Anyway. Chesed just arrived here so I'm gonna tell you right now that you'd go stir-crazy too. And Geb... [ he sighs. ] We've been here the longest, and we've done nothing but twiddle our thumbs while waiting for shit to get down. I just...

[ he casts his gaze aside. ]

Maybe the City's violence is a good thing.

[ Chesed makes a thoughtful sound. ]

I suppose only time will tell. Hm. Is that what the transformation was all about?

[ He did recognize Roland's form, one that had once been a highly dangerous Abnormality. Nothing There, a creature trying its best to imitate a person but would never be able to come close to it. ]

There's nothing wrong with being a bit homesick. Shall we cause a bit of pandemonium here as well then? Would that help?

Carmen didn't want the people of the City to believe that was supposed to be a norm, you know. [ She gives Chesed a side glance. ]

But if you ever wanna brawl, I'm down for it.

[ YOU WANT HER TO FIGHT YOU ROLAND YOU WANT IT TO BE A FUN DAILY OCCASION-- ]

I do think it's a pain in the ass for them to keep prodding and testing but not show themselves like the pansies they are, though.

Ugh... Exactly. Maybe that's why I transformed into Nothing There, particularly. 'Cause there's just nothing. And I don't want to accept that. Nobody here wants to accept that.

We can brawl anytime, Gebura. I just don't want you to hold back anymore just 'cause you don't have Mimicry with you.

[ there has to be something here... something that they can all reach one day.

he clutches at his head, and turns to chesed. ]

Chesed... You just had to see me like that on your first day here. Sorry 'bout that.

[ Chesed beams. ]

Not to worry, Roland~ If you start at your lowest on day one, that just means you can't sink any lower.

[ This is a good thing, obviously. But he shakes his head, trying to reassure the distressed man standing before them. ]

If it helps, that wasn't too different from what I've seen out of you in the past. No harm, no foul. I've already seen a little bit of what goes on inside that head of yours. And in any event, I like it better when you're honest with all of us about how you feel.

[ Even if it might end up with one of them dead by Roland's hands? Yes, even if it might end up with one of them dead by Roland's hands. ]

You want me to go all out against you, I can do that.

[ CALMLY. ]

Anyway, hate to say it, but it's like what Chesed said. It's nothing new for us and it's better if you don't try to shove it all down anyway.

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( closed ) the only ones who need love are the ones who don't receive enough

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