Johanna Constantine (
keepgodwaiting) wrote in
citylogs2023-09-27 08:23 pm
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[closed]
WHO: Johanna Constantine (
keepgodwaiting) & a variety of appointments
WHAT: Autumnal and spooky hijinks
WHERE: Around!
WHEN: End of September, into October
WARNINGS: Probably demon shit in the Peter thread; probably social awkwardness in the Steven thread; more if they come up
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WHAT: Autumnal and spooky hijinks
WHERE: Around!
WHEN: End of September, into October
WARNINGS: Probably demon shit in the Peter thread; probably social awkwardness in the Steven thread; more if they come up
I swear to God I saw her howlin' at the sky
She ain't out to get you but she's better on your side
And she don't wanna be anybody else
She's a woman in total control of herself
It's such a wonder to be under her spell
What a woman in total control of herself
cw: mention of attempted child murder with fire, this thread is normal
The questions give him pause, and he's looking visibly uncomforable as he stands there. He hadn't made any attempt to..... change the weird shit he's got going on in this apartment, and he knows that it's weird. That he probably seems insane, with chairs propped against doors and mirrors covered up. But if he's going to get real help for whatever the hell's going on....a certain level of honesty is required. ]
I'm not sure. About the uh, sensing weird shit. Sometimes I feel like I can...? Like. The air feels funny. Kind of buzzing. But maybe I'm just fucking nuts.
[ He tries to give a laugh to make it sound kind of lighter, but it just sounds hollow as he glances sheepishly to the door that Mrs. Constantine gestures to. ]
....I uh. I don't like open doors. And I don't like being in bedrooms.
[ He lingers there for a moment, unsure how much to say. A large part of it is because of what his mother had done one night in his bedroom β had tried to do, match in hand and the pungent smell of paint thinner burning his senses. But maybe he shouldn't talk about that.
Not that talking about the rest is any easier, and he can't look the woman in the eyes, one arm wrapped almost protectively around his own middle. ]
When those people were in my house... they cornerned me um, in the attic. So I don't want to um... to not have an escape again.
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[ Did he mention that on the phone, before? She can't remember. But if that's true it's a bit more than paranoia. Like the woman said: "There are plots against people, aren't there?"
Who are you, Peter Graham? ]
What else can you tell me about them? Do you remember anything about the rituals? [ Her tone is professional, diagnostic, like a mechanic asking you what noise your car is making. ]
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I uh, I think so. It's hard to remember what was real and what... wasn't.
[ It felt real. He could hear and smell and see everything as clear as day. But he'd tried to wake himself up, slapping his own face β You just gotta wake up. Wake up. ]
....In my attic, I think there was like... an outline. Like when a person dies, or something, you know how they draw it? Only it was in dust. [ ....He has no idea it was because a dead body was up there for so long. ]
And in that was um... a photo. Of me? [ His voice catches against a particular snag. ] Only the eyes were burned out. And there were candles everywhere. Um. It smelled funny.
[ What came just after that isn't something he can talk about. The sawing sounds, his mother's eyes wide and fixed right on him, her legs danglingβ
Peter gives an odd little sound, eyelids fluttering for a moment as his heart flutters rapidly with a swell of anxiety, and his eyes are suddenly glossy and burn. ]
There were people up there. I didn't notice them at first. They were just....standing there, in the shadows. Smiling at me. ...They didn't have any clothes on. Um. I'd seen one before. Inβ in my house. I think they'd been following me for a long time.
....But I didn't know what was real. Everythingβ everything felt like a bad dream.
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All right. You're all right here, you're doing well.
I'm sorry to make you do this, mate. C'mere, let's sit. [ She nods towards the couch, rather than trying to physically guide him. ]
It'd be easiest to make a ward if I had something that came from one of these people, but I'm betting you haven't anything like that. So the next best thing I can do is get as much information about them as you have. All right? They wanted something specific from you, so we need to make something specific to fuck 'em over.
Do you remember if they said anything? Words or songs or anything?
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But it's almost like there's been a cut sliced through his skin, and things come bleeding out, quick and messy. All of it feels surreal, and maybe it's only now, that he's faced with a professional in all of this... spooky shit that he can open up in a particular way. ....Someone who's treating it like it's real. Even if there's parts that he still can't bring himself to say, this much right now is a lot.
And he doesn't know how to handle it, how to pace himself well, threatens to get overwhelmed abruptly β the touch to his shoulder is grounding in the way he maybe needs it to be, and he's giving a soft sound. A nod, that same obedience, grateful this time as he moves to sit down on the couch, hands shuddering slightly as he places them in his lap.
'All right. You're all right here, you're doing well.'
He takes a few moments, stares down at the floor. Wanted something specific from him..... ]
There um. There was a woman. Earlier that day. I saw her when I was at school, or... I thought I saw her. No one else seemed to notice. But she was... across the street. She was angry at me or something, I don't fuckingβ I don't know. She was shouting.
[ He'd felt so... dazed as it had happened. Like being in a fever dream. But looking back on it now frightens him, and his fingers curl into his palms, tightly. ]
She knew my name. She said.... 'I expel you.'
[ Slowly, the teen looks back over to Johanna, eyes wide and throat tight. ]
Do you think they were trying to.... kill me?
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Not for the first time since getting here, she wishes she had access to her office. Even Aleister fucking Crowley couldn't keep every esoteric secret that came to him after a good wank in his head; Constantine certainly can't remember every possible occult ritual out there. She wants to look this up in a grimoire or three and see what it could be. Instead she gets to take a swing in the dark and hope she doesn't clock this poor kid in the jaw. ]
That doesn't sound like it, exactly. [ Her gaze is off in the distance as she considers. ] More like evict you, maybe.
[ Which seems worse, to her. Killing someone is theoretically cut-and-dried. Off your soul goes to the most appropriate afterlife. Kicking a soul out of its body creates a lot more possibilities, most of them unpleasant to contemplate. ]
cw: mention of parental death (via immolation and decapitation.... hashtag Hereditary Things)
Like from my house?
[ ....But actually it doesn't feel that far out-there. Not really. After all, they'd come into his home, so maybe.... maybe they were trying to fucking kick him out?
(What about the other part? His parents, their impossibly brutal deaths. Was that real? That his mother finally lost her fucking mind, burned his father into something unrecognisable as a human except for a wedding ring on its finger, chased Peter into the attic snarling and screaming, and then, finally, sawed her own head off with a wire from the piano. Or was that all just Peter's own broken mind? He's gone crazy, hasn't he. He's absolutely fucking nuts.) ]
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[ This could not more obviously be a deflection. Constantine just has a bad feeling about how he'd react to her saying "no, from your body." ]
Well, so, that's where we can start, making this place a little safer from negative influences and eviction notices. You can't go wrong with a plain old deadbolt or three, if I'm being honest, but some energy cleansing to go with it never did anybody any harm.
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Either way, Peter's heart is doing nervous flip-floppy things in his chest again, so hard that it makes his head feel a little dizzy. He sits there on the couch, staring widely at her as he listens, finding himself nodding quickly along to the suggestion. ]
Yeahβ yeah, I'm down for that. Energy cleansing.
[ He says the term like it's foreign in his mouth and tastes a little funny. But his concerns are rising now, bubbling up to the top. ]
Do you think it'll be enough? What if they can do.... magic, too? Can they do a spell to just like.... get past a deadbolt?
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Peter, have you seen any of them here, though? Anything that makes you think they're here already?
[ It's a serious question, asked not like she doubts him, but like she wants to make sure. The fear that they might show up in future makes sense to her; it's not like she hasn't wondered every so often if the next train will bring Kit, or Chas, or for-fuck's-sake Logue into the City. ]
Sounds like they weren't shy in your house.
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It seems like there might be limits, by the way this lady's talking about it, though. If she can use it to stop other people's magic, then... there's got to be rules, right? Fuck, this is wild. ]
.........I'm not sure. [ He feels bad admitting that again, knows it can't be helpful for her to hear. But he adds on, thinking seriously about itβ ]
Like, I haven't outright seen any of them here, no. But.... sometimes it feels like someone else has been in here? Maybe when I'm gone, or something. I'll find my stuff moved around, or... things just feel weird?
[ He hesitates again, before adding on. ]
....And I feel weird. I have a hard time remembering shit. Sometimes I forget stuff I shouldn't. Like um. My name. [ He's looking nervous again, fingers worrying themselves in his lap. ] What if that means they're here, like... doing shit to me?
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They could go in circles for hours, she realizes, him describing things he's got only the vaguest vocabulary for and her speculating. Better to get to cleansing. Something with some oomph to it, too, not just mumbling some nice words and lighting a candle. Though, to be fair, the external difference between a fake cleansing for the "live, laugh, love" crowd and a real one is pretty slim; intent makes a larger difference than anything.
And once the cleansing is done -- a binding. Something to keep Peter within his body, within his self. Sort of a reverse exorcism, she supposes. ]
I think it could be whatever they tried to do before, still hanging around. Sort of like a shitty hangover, if you've ever had one. [ He's what, like, seventeen? He's probably had one of those. ] So we'll clear the space, and then do what we can to sort of blow the cobwebs off you, too.
[ She gives him a smile, professional and cool and reassuring. Everything here is under control. ] And I'll need two things from you, even if they sound absolutely fucking stupid, all right? First, I'll need your full name, middle name and all. And second, when we start, I'll need you to really focus on what makes you feel safe. What makes you feel like yourself.
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Yeah. Yeah, that... makes sense. That it's still like, hanging around.
[ It does make sense. And as creepy as the thought is, at least it's something to hang onto. Some avenue of thought and reason, and a problem that can be... fixed. Right? With what she's saying?
And then maybe he'll be.... fixed. Maybe not all the way, but. This weird shit. The forgetting things, losing track of time and self and so much else, even the little... hallucinations; he thinks that what they are, anyway.
He nods again, more firmly this time. ] Okay, yeah. I uhβ it's Peter (insert middle name here because he has no canon one lmfao) Graham.
[ ...A safe place, though. That one's not so easy. He pauses, a soft frown tugging at the corners of his mouth. ....He doesn't have anything like that. Not really. Nowhere felt safe, not for a really long fucking time. Not even sleep was safe. ]
...Can it be a place that used to?
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Yeah. [ Her voice is gentle for that. ] Doesn't even need to be a real place, if that's easier. It'll work best if it's real, but -- it's about the feeling.
[ Then, clapping her hands lightly together, she stands up. ] You think on it. I'm going to draw on your floor. Mind if we chuck that mattress in a corner for a bit?
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Maybe... if he thinks about what would feel safe. A real life place he already knows, but better.
Yeah. He can do that. He'd thought about it many times before, after all. Everyone does, right? Imagines how things could be. Watches a movie where the mom is a little like yours, has the same hair and eye colour and maybe dresses the same, except she can actually stand the kid, and they do things together, and they enjoy each other. You wish your mom could be like that. You imagine that she is. Peter hasn't imagined things like that since he was a little kid, but he can again.
He nods, thenβ his eyes widen, startled. Draw... on the floor? It's a bit of a frightening thought, but he's not about to second-guess the exorcist lady. ]
Yeah, sure. [ He moves to one end of it, going ahead and tugging the thing up and propping it against the wall. A mess of clothes fall off in the process, which Peter nudges aside with his foot. Totally fine. ]
What uh... are you gonna draw with?
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[ Conversation pauses for a few minutes while she gets to work. She's aware of Peter as she moves around, always keeping him in the corner of her eye, but she can't take care of him and make sure her lines are straight at the same time.
What takes shape over the next little while is a hexagram drawn in white chalk, taking up most of the open space on the living room floor. The triangular points are just barely big enough that a person could sit inside one without touching the sides. Johanna moves very carefully as she completes her drawing, making sure every line is solid and that she doesn't smudge or break any of them as she steps around to dig a box of plain white candles out of her bag. ]
Stupid question, but you don't have any candle holders, do you?
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As it becomes revealed, his heart's giving a funny flop in his chest, and his breathing feels a bit tighter again, and he's trying to coax himself to stay still and calm. But it's... fucking terrifying, really, seeing a shape like that on his floor. He may not know shit about this kind of thing, but he's seen some movies, you learn things. A shape like that... it reminds him of something from some horror movie. It's weird, it's creepy; every part of him wants to flinch away from this.
(And he remembers, again, the circle of candles up in his attic, and the picture of himself inside it, and he's flinching in startle when Johanna speaks up to him again, eyes snapping right to those candles she's pulling out.) ]
Whβ oh, no, I uh. I don't think so? [ A beat. That anxious feeling in him is getting worse, and he swallows, looking a bit green around the gills. Alarm rings, but it's all still kind of numbed down, and through it he's remembering something, projects Charlie used to make. She loved using hot glue and candle wax, fusing things or melting things down, reshaping them into something new. He remembers something she'd made once with a candlestick in a bottle. If they're thin enough, they could fit. ]
....I've got like, soda bottles, though. Could that work?
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Yeah, probably, if you've got four.
[ Probably to be expected, if he's scared of people doing weird rituals. That can't really be helped. Maybe she can get him re-focused, though. ]
Did you think of somewhere safe?
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Bottles tucked in his arms, he returns to Johanna, handing them over to her. ]
I think I've got it, yeah. Do I need to say it aloud, or just... think it?
[ And, once she starts getting to work on the candles, he'll add something, because okay he can't help asking a few questions here and there... ]
Why're candles... important? For things like this.
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[ She pulls out a lighter and lights one of the candles, using the flame to melt the base of another and get it situated in the bottle. The old occultists probably wouldn't approve, but she thinks it'll get the job done. Hopefully without ruining Peter's floor. As she answers his question, she carefully gets the four candles situated in four of the points of the hexagram, leaving two empty points opposite each other. ]
Well, fire is powerful. It's energetic. It sustains life, but it can destroy as well. Lots of symbolism to it. And when you're cleansing, it's a purifying force. Burning out the impurities, like.
And candles just help you focus. Think of 'em like the ones on your birthday cake, if it helps. At the end we'll blow them out and start something new.
cw: nightmare description of being on fire.... and a dead body
His mom never struck the match, he woke up before she could, but in his nightmares it's struck, it's spreading, it's all over his body, and he's screaming and screaming, and Charlie's beside him just as wet, coated all in paint thinner the same as he is, but she isn't screaming. Isn't reacting at all. It's like she's already dead, and it's just him, alone, screaming. There'll be nothing of him left β no, that's not right. There'll be something, he saw it in his living room, what it'd be like. Charred up black, fingers curling inwards, looking more like some puppet than a person anymore. It's what happened to Dad. What she did to him. What she was trying to do to him and Charlie, too.
He can't forget the smell of it.
Peter's throat convulses all of a sudden; he almost gags. He's trying to listen to Johanna's words, hears most of them, but he's remembering that circle of candles in the attic again, and he doesn't want to get anywhere closer to this thing she's drawn on the floor. ]
I don't like fire. [ He admits, staring down at the hexagram. ] Do I have to go in there?
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Well, he's got her. She shrugs. ]
It's like going to the dentist, luv. You've either got to muscle through it or we call it off here.
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....But what if this really can... help him? Fix some things? Protect him from.... the after-effects of a curse, or whatever's going on with him? And keep any of those people out if they show up? And keep him safe?
What if?
The teen stands there, clearly angsting over it, chewing at his bottom lip so hard that it turns raw and red. His heart's beating like a hummingbird trapped in his chest, and he's light-headed, and he's so fucking afraid. ]
.....Will it hurt?
[ Whatever she's going to.... do. Will he feel it? Will it be painful? ]
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I don't think so. Not going to lie to you, though, I can't say for sure. But I don't think so. And if it starts to hurt, you tell me, and we'll end it.
[ That's the lie. If it starts to hurt, and he tells her, and she thinks it's a good idea, she'll end it. If he tells her and she thinks it's a better idea to push through, she will.
But it's a lie she tells with complete sincerity and steady eye contact. She can't think of any reason it would start to hurt. ]
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He can stop it this time.
Peter lingers for a few more long moments, staring down at the thing drawn on the floor surrounded by flickering candles, heart still hammering. More what ifs are flooding him, worse and worse. What if something goes wrong? Something seemed to go wrong, when his mother did that sΓ©ance. ...But Mom didn't know what she was doing. This woman's a professional. It's different.
After a few moments of fretful silence, he's nodding again, fingers nervously rubbing the sides of his shirt, curling into fabric. ]
Okay. I'll do it. Do I just... do I walk in?
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cw: demon business
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cw for the linked post: violence by a child, death of a child, strangling
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and wrap!!