citylogs | [ open ] kaveh's permanent catch-all

[ the door shuts. kaveh opens his mouth. he closes it. the thing about architects is that they see things in gestalt. daan had opened his door without fuss a mere few days ago. the stew had made it all the inner office. today, kaveh's left at the doorjamb. add that, daan's backwards look, and a single braincell into the mix, and kaveh's grin spreads from ear to ear much in the way of a misplaced wildfire.

still, day three is a gear and a grind. the silence and the waiting has never been something that kaveh naturally exists with. a mere ten seconds, and kaveh leans against the doorframe. his eyelids sear when he closes them. it is somewhere between a minute and infinity that daan opens the door once more, and jolted as if from a catnap, kaveh opens his eyes. the world is resplendent light and daan's awfully suspicious countenance.

for that, kaveh arches a wry brow, because of course he does. ]

Really? Are you sure? There's still time for a goodbye kiss, you know.

[Yep, there it is. Kaveh concludes the truth swiftly, which isn't shocking but he still feels a mix of embarrassment and uncertainty. Not that he's embarrassed of Vergilius, oh far from it, but it feels odd to find his pacing with his... relationship? Yeah, that. His relationship with him. Right. It isn't bad -- far from it -- but he also realizes a lot of his own experiences leave him at a loss of how to proceed next, in some ways.

So, for 5 seconds, Daan perishes internally as he's called out, and then sighs.]

I'm not gonna wake him. Otherwise I'm pretty sure he'd be hovering over me while we go check the lay of the land.

[Daan wouldn't mind, but the man deserves his rest and knows that other people find him particularly imposing. It's still odd to him that he's never really felt that way about him.]

[ daan goes through five seconds of real death. this is the best five seconds that kaveh's had for the past two weeks. still, kaveh thinks, with a little rue, perhaps he ought not bully daan so much. the man's been through hell and a half, and matters of the heart aren't something to be taken lightly.

hovering over him, he says. kaveh can get a sense why. you can't leave someone like daan alone, could you. ]

That's fair. I'm not sure if he has opinions on floor layouts, and if he does, I'm not sure if I want to hear them. [ it's instinct. kaveh absently consults his mental floor plan. kitchenette, examination room, office. just one door to the bedroom and potentially an ensuite bathroom, if this is a floorplan c, which kaveh suspects it is given the little side door to what would've been a little storage area in the waiting room. it's not a particularly large bedroom, especially for two grown men. he makes a mental note to ask if daan would like kaveh to knock down a wall and make a larger bedroom out of the bedroom in the apartment next door, but before that, kaveh ought to make sure nobody lives there.

he tips his head: ] Well, shall we? I know you mentioned wanting the clinic to be near the subway lines; I concur. There's still plenty of space to cover, however. Do you have any places in mind to start?

[There's a small shrug.] I don't think he really cares about that kind of thing. His opinion on layouts and sizes don't seem to matter much, just so long as it's practical.

[Which is fun to tease him about, given the chance.]

As for me, well. I was thinking of something maybe mostly central to what's currently accessible in the city. That way it's relatively the same distance for everyone, easy to get to. Somewhere close to the stop that's not far from the bank, maybe?

But I'm no architect, so naturally I'm open to your professional opinion.

Aren't you much the same way? Unless you've a hidden aesthete to you, in which I'll need to ask when I get to meet that Doctor Daan.

[ kaveh considers this. ] And the question you've posed is better suited for an urban planner. Come, let's walk and talk. [ kaveh pushes off from the door frame. he waves for daan to follow. he pulls out a notebook, and flips to a map of the city. the map is done in crisp, clear lines, and annotated with a thin, precise script much in the way of a professional scribe, set on the page with delicate poise. further annotations for the annotations is kaveh's printing-press standard script, aggressively labeling places where one might be able to obtain tiles, or glass, or marble. because this is kaveh, he thinks aloud: ] The closest line to the bank is line 3, I believe. Line 3 currently bisects the city from Northeast to Southwest; as far as I recall, it doesn't currently crossover with lines 7, 8 or 9. Central is a good way to think about it, but the city opens up a new district every month, and right now the expansion is entirely Northwestern in scope. If you open a clinic with the current centre of the city in mind, that centre might have shifted by next month if the city deigns to open something in the Southeast. According to that logic, you might as well open a clinic right next to City Hall, which is traditionally the centre of any expanding city.

But think of it another way: every time the city opens up a new establishment, that's where the largest number of casualties will be. Which means if your goal is to be as accessible as possible, your best bet may be to have a central clinic location, and then a mobile version of the clinic that opens up in whichever district is newest.

Depends entirely on the subject matter. Guess you'll have to find out, Kaveh.

[With his hands in his pockets, Daan goes to follow after Kaveh, paying heed to the map, quietly impressed. Not that he anticipates anything less from Kaveh, who is clearly a perfectionist. Respectable, especially since not unlike a doctor Kaveh has to be precise.

Daan just picks and chooses where he can fall off, he supposes.]

Mm. That's good a point, and... I admittedly have made it a habit to go to each new region, usually, in case someone inevitably gets hurt. Which is something you can almost always count on.

How would you propose a mobile medical clinic, exactly? I have a med pack I usually take with me, but sometimes that's not always enough.

Admittedly, [ kaveh says, more wry than with any real censure, ] as if I wouldn't have expected it of you. A man who cuts his own arm off in an attempt to save someone isn't the sort to wait around for patients to come to him.

[ no wonder daan and midnight get along; they are akin to ghosts that haunt the fallen battlefields. and no wonder vergilius intends on watching over him. ]

Now, if we had sumpterbeasts here, I would have told you to hitch your goods to a wagon and let yourself be dragged around town. But a mobile medical clinic doesn't have to always mobile - just mobile once a month.

Say, we scout out a new location every month in the new district before the mid-month nonsense begins, and I call in a few rough but well-meaning hands to move your most portable medical equipment to the new location. It'll be a hassle once a month, but it gets you where you need to be without depriving you of what you need.

I don't just go doing that for everyone. Sheesh.

[Vergilius, at the time, had even said that someone doesn't do that even for a friend. And he was right; in Daan's mind, it wasn't even for a friend.

It was for more.]

Hmm. That might work. So, more or less like a medic tent, but more stable. Easy to break down and get going in a hurry with some strong backs but there's still a main location as you say.

All right. I like the sound of that.

Right. You'll only do it for Vergilius. That does make it better.

[ beatifically.

kaveh does, however, grin. ]

Then, that can be the working plan. For today, we ought to scout out a central location, then. For that, I don't see why we can't take a walk around the bank. It's close enough to City Hall so it's more or less adjusted centre.

[this face initially re: hacking off limbs for vergilius]

[Right. Moving on.]

Haven't been back to the bank since it first opened up. I know we're not going inside, but I sure don't miss the place.

[It is where Daan suggested, so it's fine, but damn that had been a wake-up call that some weird shit was going in this city.]

Ah, it's left an impression on you, too, I see. [ with a humourless lilt. ]

I've returned a few times. The bank doesn't seem to serve any particular function now, though new items and keys keep appearing in the vault regardless. It's a great source of metal, tiles and coppering wiring, however. I've stripped a lot of the backrooms of it because of just how was needed for renovations for the past few months.

...It left an impression on everyone. I'm not special in that regard.

[It's an evasive answer. He knows that. But then, it's not like Kaveh really asked for more, too.]

Hm. Well, if nothing else, I'm glad that you're getting some good supplies off of it. You're pretty good at picking useful materials, aren't you? I knew an engineer once who was kind of similar.

The buildings that have harmed people are the ones that I've been dismantling and scrounging first. For your central clinic, for example, I'll pull the tiles from the bank flooring, and I'll fashion metal shelves from the clothing racks at the mall. If they made such an impact, then surely they can be reused and recycled into something that will actually help the residents here.

[ in a way, kaveh understands - pain cannot be erased, or forgotten. it can only be sublimated. 'i'm not special in that regard', daan says - kaveh thinks back to a question he had asked earlier, one that was born from frustration: 'what was it that someone did to you that made you think of yourself so little'?

he considers this. ] What manner of engineer?

Hmm. You know, I'm a little surprised that our overseers -- or whatever they are -- haven't gotten pissy that you're vandalizing their buildings. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad that's the case, and it does make some kind of sense to reuse the places that have caused us so much trouble.

[Daan shrugs and looks out into the distance.] I'm not entirely sure. But she knew how to fix a train. Knew how to put together traps, and make weapons out of whatever we found. Abella was tougher than most people I'd ever met, but had a heart of gold, that one. I figure as long as she recognized the technology, she could probably figure it out easily.

Assuming nothing otherworldly was going on, in any case.

I thought the same. But after repeated testing, it seems that dismantling the buildings for the purpose of building another seems to be alright. Our current theory is that intentionality and ethics matter in whatever odd matrix they're using to grade individual actions. For example, when I took the hinges off someone's door for the purpose of keeping them, I was handcuffed - but when I took hinges off someone's door for the purpose of reusing them, I woke up fine.

[ fixing a train, kaveh thinks. they could use that talent here. immediately, he feels guilty for thinking so. nobody ought to be drawn here, of all places, simply because they could use their talents. ]

She seems like someone with strength to her. I'd love to have met her, but under different circumstances. By otherworldly, do you mean the gods?

Hmm. Interesting that they can determine that sort of thing out of intent, then. But then, I suppose that's why I was able to get away with that ritual circle. It wasn't for the express purpose of vandalization, after all. Or harm.

[And he was able to get away with the one he's made in his apartment, as well.]

She probably would've enjoyed meeting you, too.

[Daan nods.] The train she and I were riding on with other passengers suddenly stopped working on our way to a town. She didn't see anything actually wrong with the train. I suppose someone could argue that maybe she just missed something, but... well, that didn't add up considering her other skills. That, and the circumstances we were in. So, the train was likely impacted by an effect by one of the gods there.

They can invoke our past memories at will. I'm not surprised that they have a pipeline into intentions, though I couldn't begin to tell you how they manage to do so. We had a system that would have been capable of it back in Sumeru, but that at least involved wearing a terminal. There's nothing like that here, so how?

[ kaveh thinks, however - how desperate that engineer must have been. to have all the pieces at her disposal, and still not be able to have it work beneath her fingers. kaveh can empathise. ]

That reminds me - your gods. They have a very skewed way of viewing 'help', don't they.

It's why I wonder if maybe we're dealing with more supernatural shit. But then... I have no idea. It's just the thing I'm personally most used to, so it's easier to comprehend.

[Daan lets out a long sigh before he gives a nod.]

Most of them, yeah. I really only have affinity with two of them, but frankly that's two too many in my opinion.

I'd prefer if I didn't have any at all, if I had a choice. But I don't, and here I am.

[He hesitates, then he offers:] If you want to ask about them, I'll answer you honestly. I know people get curious, and that's fine, I suppose.

[ kaveh considers this. ]

Well, my curiosity stems from two places, really. I am a child of Sumeru; our vice has always been that we let our curiosity lead us. It follows that I have a scholarly interest in your gods. What are they? Do you converse with them? Why is it that they have so little understanding of human pain? And then the second place from which my curiosity stems comes from how they may be able to aid the people here.

But consider this question first, if you may: how did you become involved with your gods in the first place? What robbed you of your choice?

[As they walk, Daan is quiet for a moment, turning the questions over in his mind. Particularly, the last one. Notably, his shoulders stiffen, but his face is impassive. Habitually, making his expression indifferent, bland, like it doesn't bother him.

Eventually, he does answer.]

My parents.

Sylvian is an old god. Not that popular anymore, but her power is still unquestionable. She also still has her followers. When I was born, my parents couldn't decide what my name was -- one called me Daan, the other call me Daniël, so really it's anyone's guess what my real name is supposed to be.

Either way, they gave more of a shit about communing with Sylvian. Goddess of Love, Lust, and Fertility. They'd leave me in the field to go join with their fellow cultists. Until they decided I was old enough to join in... communion, anyway.

[With Vergilius, he'd been brutally honest about the truth. The City of Vergilius' world is filled with horrors that, alas, Daan related to. Sharing the truth to bridge the idea that Daan knew what one would do for the sake of survival. For he, too, has done unspeakable things to survive, things he learned from the Cult of Sylvian.

With Kaveh, it is much, much more vague. To spare him, who has seen more than he already should have.]

Edited (dfskhdsf adding more warnings, funger is... like that) 2023-11-10 05:54 (UTC)

[ daan's words unfold. kaveh is listening for more than just words. it's trite to say that one can listen with the eyes, but communication is part words, part the language of the body. kaveh, who has lived with the foremost haravatat scholar and a man who communicates solely through the lines of his body, looks. the stiffening of his shoulders, the careful, impassive set of daan's face.

kaveh draws in breath. he looks. ]

They left you in a field, as a child. They were your parents. [ kaveh says, softly. ] You never had a choice in this, did you.

No. I didn't.

One day, my parents stopped coming for me. Maybe they left me after I kept trying to reject Sylvian's healing gift, maybe they got... lost in communion, as that is possible. So, at thirteen, I tried to figure out how to defend myself. How to survive the alleyways and gutters of Rondon.

[Daan holds out his hand, and runes appear around him, mixed with the sound of a woman's gasp faint in the air. The nice thing at least is that, this time, is that he merely feels love. Love the way his friends make him feel. Tsuruno, Heine, Miu, and many others.

The way Vergilius makes him feel.]

You achieve certain things by having an... affinity with a god. With Sylvian, well. There are a few ways. ...But one method just happens to be the easiest.

Few things in my life have been my choice, Kaveh. Certainly not my connection to Sylvian. So I don't relish relying upon her power when I need to repair myself, but sometimes it's necessary. Don't get the wrong idea; the limb removal is a different god entirely. Sylvian repairs, to her credit.

Which is all I'll give her.

[ they abandoned him, kaveh thinks.

this ought not be new. heine and netzach both come from worlds where the norms challenge everything that kaveh has known about empathy and kindness, societal justice and care. but family - that is something that kaveh holds. there had been a sanctuary of light and warmth. that sanctuary had been broken by his own two hands. but there had never been a moment where kaveh could or would blame his parents for it; the love that you get as as child is the love that sets.

what love set for daan that day? kaveh looks. the look he gives daan is one of sorrow, of terror, of a deep-burning fury. ]

Which is all you can give anyone in your story. [ kaveh says, and closes his eyes. briefly, the world winks out. the back of his eyelids burn for it. ] Once again, the only thing I can offer is an apology.

You should have choice, and safety. Above all else, you should have been protected. I am sorry.

[The spell fades as Daan closes his hand and his eye closes. It's not new. Daan has told that story what feels like a hundred times now, in various details, but never lying. He thinks of Elise -- beautiful Elise, bold Elise -- who found fascinating, amusement, and entertainment in the tales. Baron von Dutch found interest, as it fed his obsession with the occult.

Vergilius reacted with anger and horror. Kaveh reacts with sympathy and kindness. It does offer, yet again, another perspective on Daan's life in the von Dutch household. What is the truth? What was he convinced of? How desperate was Daan to be loved back then? Is that why he's constantly taken aback when he receives it in this city?]

...I appreciate your sympathy. I do.

[Which is a stark difference between Roland and him. Roland is never a fan of it -- empathy or sympathy. Daan is taken off guard, but he doesn't dislike it.]

I guess that's why I was fine with becoming a doctor. ...To give what I was denied. A helping hand, when I never got one. For all that's worth, anyway.

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1/2

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cw: csa implication, child abuse and neglect

grips daan, but gently

yeah............. yeah | cw: implied prostitution

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