( semi-open ) though it may hurt today

[gradenine]

WHO: Roland (gradenine) & some of you guys
WHAT: July catchall + event
WHERE: Vaults, then some formalwear shop (get in losers we're going shopping)
WHEN: The rest of July
WARNINGS: Major Ruina and Leviathan spoilers in the first prompt. Death, murder, the usual Project Moon warnings apply, probably. Please refer to his opt-out for more info.




art credit | plotting comment | event log
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Comments

[gradenine]

...I'll tell you after.

[ that's right. vergilius may have heard about angelica's death, but not everything about that whole mess. roland only thought that maybe vergilius somehow understood this specific kind of pain.

but he's wrong. vergilius's anguish is different from his, and hearing about the kids being gone just like that makes it hard to swallow. ]

Didn't know you looked after some kids like that. [ he squeezes vergilius's wrist. ] Where they just random children plucked off the street, or...?

[immortalpoet]

...No.

[Would it have been better if they were random?]

...You know how many people I've killed. [Both of them with tons of blood on their hands - there's no wiping it off, of course. Part of the trade.] You know, some of them...left behind families. Children. Orphans.

cw child death, experimentation

[gradenine]

[ it probably wouldn't have mattered. most kids in the backstreets grew up without knowing their parents at all, and the more vergilius talked, the more contemplative roland looked.

it's like how roland had killed the former leader of the church of gears, who had tried to justify his dastardly deeds by saying that there are plenty of people in the city anyway. it's like how that one technician had stitched bodies of dead children together to replace his own kid who had died. ]

...It's a never-ending cycle. A cycle that we can never break ourselves free from.

[ he lets go of vergilius's wrist. ]

Do you think you'll be redeemed for taking care of them to the end?

[immortalpoet]

[Ah, there it is.]

[As much as he knows Roland is different than the disgusting muck of the City, as much as he thought he was a kindred soul to share his selfish dream with, in the end, he still is a City resident through and through.]

[He closes his eyes, a little pained.]

You think it's about redemption? Give me a break. [There's no such thing. Not for him.] It's more complicated than that.

[gradenine]

[ he locks eyes with vergilius again, waiting for him to elaborate. but eh, he'll take those. ]

You're right. After all, no one in the City deserve redemption.

[ they're all fuckin doomed and there's nothing to be done about it, yadda yadda. it is true when they say that roland represents the citydwellers as a whole -- just the pure ugliness of it. ]

Wish mine's just as complicated, though. She merely died because I was at the wrong place, at the wrong time. It just happened that I did someone a favor, and it just so happened that the Pianist manifested in the Streets of Music that day. [ he smiles, also pained. ] In the end, things like these happen all the time back there. No need to dwell too much about it.

[immortalpoet]

[He opens his mouth, closes it.]

[Even children?]

[He doesn't say it. What a coward he is.]

...Hm.

[The way he says it is so simple. So matter-of-fact. As if it was just a walk in the park. But he remembers. He always remembers.]

How many people did you kill that day, Roland...?

[gradenine]

[ he'd never kill children. he had wanted to have one, after all. but most children in the city would later grow up to be the adults you see in the city now; both of them had been little at one point in their lives, and now look at them.

he's silent for a while, as if mentally trying to come up with an exact number. but alas. ]

...I lost count. Their corpses had formed a hill at first, until it got taller and it ultimately became a mountain in front of me.

[ but really, who keeps tabs on that? other sickos might have, but he's not one of them. and on top of that, vergilius would've been part of that mountain he created, too. ]

It doesn't matter, though. If we can kill so many people without a care just because it is part of our job, then we could be killed by someone else with the same kind of excuses. There's just nothing we can do about it.

[immortalpoet]

[I would've been one of them. But you spared me.]

[Why did you spare me? Because of that foolish dream?]

[Why? Why? Why....?]

I see. Of course. There really is nothing we can do.

[Of course he won't judge. He can't judge. He opens his mouth, his hands shaking.]

You know, I...

[He closes his mouth, something panging in his chest. Should he even admit to something like that...?]

[He doesn't know.]

[gradenine]

[ roland notices his shaking hands, and turns to look at him. his expression is, as always, unreadable. ]

...Go on.

[immortalpoet]

I thought of you when I...

[....]

[He closes his eyes, pained.]

No, never mind. I don't want to...burden you. It's fine.

[gradenine]

[ roland's lips are a thin line. he thinks of digging deeper into it, but ultimately, does it matter?

(yes. it really does. no one else really thought of him from out of a blue, after all - at least, not to his face.) ]

...All right, then.

[ next time, for sure.

as if on cue, the heavy fault doors open with a resounding creak. finally, the both of them can breathe. ]

Come on, let's get outta here.

[immortalpoet]

...

[He feels like a coward. Back then, he had been so open with Roland, despite them only barely knowing each other. Now, it feels a little like walking on eggshells.]

[He glances towards the open door, before he moves to fold the photo carefully and put it in his inside pocket. Close to his heart.]

...What are you going to do with the gloves?

[gradenine]

[ as if to answer vergilius's question, he slips the gloves on one by one. ]

What else? Bring it with me.

[ he stands up and turns his back on vergilius, his voice dark and solemn. no matter how open they are, roland will always seem distant. the less vergilius knows about the real reason why the black silence hadn't killed him that day, the better. ]

Whoever sick fuck chose to play around with our feelings like this... They're going to pay.

[ You are like those who never left
the sad fireside corner of my poor black heart. ]

[immortalpoet]

Of course.

[You're going to carry it wit you a long time.]

Do you think we'll able to find out who did this? [It's sort of a rhetorical question. He knows Roland won't care if they can or can't. He simply will.] Everything seems so far out of reach.

[gradenine]

...Doesn't really matter.

[ he looks up, gloves stashed in his pockets before walking out. ]

Someone needs to take the blame for all this, and it sure ain't gonna be us.

[ they're all victims, at the end of the day. ]