citylogs | ( semi-open ) though it may hurt today

Huh, really? I wouldn't have guessed.

[Roland seems like a Smart Guy who Finished School... learning new bestie facts every day. Sorry that Junpei's return facts suck so bad.]

And... it's the consciousness-moving part. It's like—damn, you definitely haven't seen this movie, never mind.

[it was back to the future ftr]

I guess I'll just be my own example. So, let's call me Junpei A, right? In Timeline A, I get my skull cracked open, or whatever. But in Timeline B, Junpei B is just fine and doesn't have to deal with any skull problems. My—Junpei A's—consciousness just has to move from Timeline A to Timeline B right before I get whacked, and then I'm fine. Junpei B isn't fine, but we're only following one of me around. Get it?

...No.

[Would it have been better if they were random?]

...You know how many people I've killed. [Both of them with tons of blood on their hands - there's no wiping it off, of course. Part of the trade.] You know, some of them...left behind families. Children. Orphans.

[ ... ]

By getting me something new to wear...?

[ he's just a simple guy with simple needs, my man. he's flattered, but everyone knows you say all that to anyone with a pulse, or so gebura says. ]

[ cavalier, kaveh thinks, with his personal safety. or perhaps someone who uses humour to make the best of things? something in him tells him the likelihood skews towards both at once, and they both speak to a pattern of living that likely puts roland in some danger. it's congruent with the need for a suit that can protect from injuries.

kaveh's smile softens. he gives roland another critical eye. black and whites, a bit of floral pattern to his tie. ]

I'm inclined to agree on studs. They're easy to maintain, they don't get in the way, and there's just enough of an accent to bring you to a polished shine. [ now then... colours. ] Silver, I think. You're that sort of man. You can also get away with black studs, but that might be a bit much all by itself considering your usual monochrome. What are your thoughts about a silver backing or frame, with a dark jewel in the middle? It'll still go with your colour coordination, but it adds a little extra to it.

[ it probably wouldn't have mattered. most kids in the backstreets grew up without knowing their parents at all, and the more vergilius talked, the more contemplative roland looked.

it's like how roland had killed the former leader of the church of gears, who had tried to justify his dastardly deeds by saying that there are plenty of people in the city anyway. it's like how that one technician had stitched bodies of dead children together to replace his own kid who had died. ]

...It's a never-ending cycle. A cycle that we can never break ourselves free from.

[ he lets go of vergilius's wrist. ]

Do you think you'll be redeemed for taking care of them to the end?

[Ah, there it is.]

[As much as he knows Roland is different than the disgusting muck of the City, as much as he thought he was a kindred soul to share his selfish dream with, in the end, he still is a City resident through and through.]

[He closes his eyes, a little pained.]

You think it's about redemption? Give me a break. [There's no such thing. Not for him.] It's more complicated than that.

Makes it herself? [ his brows seem to quirk as if he was wondering why go through the motions, but when roland further expounds, he supposed the logic checked out. to be honest, for a second, he thought it may have just been some odd hyperfixation for people. perhaps, a way to defocus from their situation, or find a sense of normalcy in their warped situation.

but, really, was anything really ever that simple?

regardless, he doesn't necessarily add or detract anything to the conversation aside from: ] Sure. [ he is curious if there's any acute difference to the taste or its effects on their bodies, after all. ] Some mornings you just want to wake up and drink coffee made by hand. [ he reiterates like how he wakes up some mornings and wants to see fish.... ]

So you aren't going to wear a suit either?

[ he locks eyes with vergilius again, waiting for him to elaborate. but eh, he'll take those. ]

You're right. After all, no one in the City deserve redemption.

[ they're all fuckin doomed and there's nothing to be done about it, yadda yadda. it is true when they say that roland represents the citydwellers as a whole -- just the pure ugliness of it. ]

Wish mine's just as complicated, though. She merely died because I was at the wrong place, at the wrong time. It just happened that I did someone a favor, and it just so happened that the Pianist manifested in the Streets of Music that day. [ he smiles, also pained. ] In the end, things like these happen all the time back there. No need to dwell too much about it.

[ Midnight puts the clothing back on the table, or more like slams it down, because he's laughing far too hard to focus on idle browsing at the moment. Mr. Roland, you are so cute. ]

Is that enough, then? One tie per day for the cultivation of your self-esteem? Please...

[ That's so funny. Geez... Midnight looks at Mr. Roland, sighing out his last laugh. A simple guy with simple needs, indeed. ]

[ time to normalize personal happiness and self-satisfaction instead

Truth be told, while he understands the individual words - Fixer, Grade 9 - rattled off, in conjunction with each other they turn into something closer to a foreign language, evoking blurry images that don't fully click into place. It's fascinating in its own way though, his inherent love of history and culture poking its head foward despite the gravity of the situation.

If only he'd had the chance to pursue that path more thoroughly in the past. Ah well. ]

It doesn't seem like much matters here apart from following the arbitrary rules set up in this place.

[ He murmurs it mostly to himself, a frown on his face. Anyway. ]

Did you choose that career path for yourself? Most people with families usually opt for safer, more low stakes jobs.

[ Is the pay that good.... ]

[He opens his mouth, closes it.]

[Even children?]

[He doesn't say it. What a coward he is.]

...Hm.

[The way he says it is so simple. So matter-of-fact. As if it was just a walk in the park. But he remembers. He always remembers.]

How many people did you kill that day, Roland...?

[ his face scrunches up as he gets his braincells working. okay... okay. ]

So your brain just... jumps from one timeline to another. Okay, I think I get that. Hopefully.

[ help ]

But our circumstances aside, why can't you just marry her in this timeline anyway? Unless she like, doesn't love you back in this one. Now that'd be complicated as hell.

[ roland still can't get over that impeccable eye kaveh has. it's not like vergilius the red gaze's, though it helps that kaveh has red eyes as well though they don't glow in a threatening way like the former. no, he's more like chesed but with fashion and aesthetics instead of coffee, isn't he? ]

Sounds good. And that depends on the color of the jewel itself...

[ more thoughtful humming. maybe red? blue? purple? the possibilities are endless. ]

I might wanna wear it on special occasions, like festivals or things like that. Dunno if they have something like that in this City, though. And speaking of jewelry, I don't think I see any shops around that sell them -- they're probably at that mall that hasn't been opened yet.

Yeah, her name's Monts. She works as a barista. Good for her, given how there's practically nothing to do around here.

[ in truth, there's probably nothing wrong with the food in this city -- except maybe the select ice creams that makes you feel something. but there really is nothing like consuming homemade food, at the end of the day.

well, at least the kid seems easy enough to talk to and potentially hang out with. it's a little strange, honestly, and not necessarily in a bad way either. ]

I'm always gonna wear a suit regardless. [ he laughs. HE HAS NOTHING BUT SUITS IN HIS WARDROBE except the stupid shirt don got him. ] Just come as you are. You're still a kid, so you may as well take advantage of that before adulthood forces you to be otherwise.

[ nice peptalk, roland ]

Yeah! Like, come on. Not even my wife asked for more than that. You just gotta lower your standards a little, is all.

[ HE'S SO EASY TO PLEASE, PLEASE... ]

[ he'd never kill children. he had wanted to have one, after all. but most children in the city would later grow up to be the adults you see in the city now; both of them had been little at one point in their lives, and now look at them.

he's silent for a while, as if mentally trying to come up with an exact number. but alas. ]

...I lost count. Their corpses had formed a hill at first, until it got taller and it ultimately became a mountain in front of me.

[ but really, who keeps tabs on that? other sickos might have, but he's not one of them. and on top of that, vergilius would've been part of that mountain he created, too. ]

It doesn't matter, though. If we can kill so many people without a care just because it is part of our job, then we could be killed by someone else with the same kind of excuses. There's just nothing we can do about it.

The keyword there is "usually". And I did want that for my family, but...

[ all he can manage is a sheepish laugh. at least he feels marginally better now that he can laugh about it. ]

Can't really afford it. I live in the poorer side of our District, and becoming a Fixer's the most lucrative job there is. We did plan on retiring for a while, though.

[ he got the money in the bag, can you believe it. but then shit happened so now he's back to square one u_u before he can elaborate though, the heavy vault doors open with a resounding creak; seems like someone else had finished their sharing session and has open sesame'd them to freedom. ]

They say humans need a certain amount of stimulation in their lives. As easy as it would be to live a solitary life, in practice it appears like many find it relatively difficult to pursue. [ he can think of a few people who fit this bill on the top of his head.

but, he leaves it at that. it's neither good nor bad, as long as it doesn't get in the way of his mission. but, at the suit comment, he has to wonder why the fixation? ] You must enjoy work to constantly be reminded of it.

[ ... ] Doesn't adulthood come with its own advantages?

[I would've been one of them. But you spared me.]

[Why did you spare me? Because of that foolish dream?]

[Why? Why? Why....?]

I see. Of course. There really is nothing we can do.

[Of course he won't judge. He can't judge. He opens his mouth, his hands shaking.]

You know, I...

[He closes his mouth, something panging in his chest. Should he even admit to something like that...?]

[He doesn't know.]

[ roland notices his shaking hands, and turns to look at him. his expression is, as always, unreadable. ]

...Go on.

I thought of you when I...

[....]

[He closes his eyes, pained.]

No, never mind. I don't want to...burden you. It's fine.

[ roland's lips are a thin line. he thinks of digging deeper into it, but ultimately, does it matter?

(yes. it really does. no one else really thought of him from out of a blue, after all - at least, not to his face.) ]

...All right, then.

[ next time, for sure.

as if on cue, the heavy fault doors open with a resounding creak. finally, the both of them can breathe. ]

Come on, let's get outta here.

...

[He feels like a coward. Back then, he had been so open with Roland, despite them only barely knowing each other. Now, it feels a little like walking on eggshells.]

[He glances towards the open door, before he moves to fold the photo carefully and put it in his inside pocket. Close to his heart.]

...What are you going to do with the gloves?

[ Sometimes it just be like that, huh....

At least Roland is spared from further personal questions by that low groan of the door opening. Finally, they're both (physically) free from the shenanigans piled onto them by the bank. (But are they free from the many ghosts that haunt them at night....probably not.)

Welt looks towards the door, then to Roland. He's not going to keep this man here any longer than necessary but: ]

Are you going to be alright?

[ To stumble off home or to some other place where he can pretend like nothing ever happened. ]

Well, given how this city is, someone enterprising will throw a festival at some point or another. And if they do, given the circumstances, I think we ought to all pitch in to make it happen. You'll then have a place to dress up for.

[ kaveh considers this. then, of course, because he is kaveh, he brightens. ] And while it's true that I have yet to see a jewellery store, I suspect I can do a bit of improvisation. I'm no jeweler, but fine glass and metal are things that I've experience with. Let me get back to you, see what I can do.

[ this is, totally, a very reassuring pat on your shoulder, roland. the lack of jewelry stores may not have got you, but kaveh's got you (?). ]

( semi-open ) though it may hurt today

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cw child death, experimentation

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